:) I am back~

Ok, so everyone that knows me, already know that my office is full of poster, of a certain Cullen hottie!Just 4 big ones,fair enought right?
So I came back from forks and La Push a little down because either Edward nor Jacob came out to met me ( what a shame!*sobs*) and i woke up at freaking 5 o'clock so that we can take the ferry from Edmonds really early , so we can be there at a good hour.. I think we got to Forks at 9 something :) ( i am so very proud of myself), because i only did that trip once, before all of this Twilight crap , that my life seems bo be centered around lately, happened.
Ok so we got to forks and um , all around town , you can see Twilight stuff and most of all Twilight Heaven!!! sickeeeee!!! "Dazzled by Twilight" is heaven for Twihards!
Of course I bought something!( youd really think i would just go there and not buy anything?)
I keep it simple thought! First of all because I was with Narcis, a friend of mine, that, of course kept making fun of me and Twilight( next time ill forget im in a store and ill slap the s*** outta you !) and second of all , i kept thinking that Alex was going to make me chose between him and Edward.Sooo...i just bought some stickers..( even thought that hoodie looked good too. it was way to much and i didnt want to break alexs heart)
A Team Edward and a Twihard one oh yeah and a fridge magnet that clearly states the following: " I am in love with a fictional character".
I dont really know what planet was I on , when i bought the stickers and planned to put them on the back of the Jetta, honestly. Alex was about to rip my head off , when i told him about it..*bummer*..*sights* ill still find something to stick them on ! I am a smart girl! and i wont back down til i do!
The other day I was of course in my "art studio" reading some fanfiction , when alex comes in and starts playing with the dogs. We started talking about Twilight of course! Every single chance i get i suck him in!!(muahahaha) and after me mentioning Edwards name a couple of times , alex was like lets just call him "Him" because its obvious he doesnt like the fellow!
So Edward became Him "whos name we do not mention in this house"..oh well as long as he'll listen to me talk about him , without making fun of me , i Am glad~ Thats a step forward!

Ok , here we can discuss more important subject like " why do I like Twilight?"or better said New Moon...
Here goes nothing!...
I am very similar to Bella, or at least my story is very similar to hers, her feelings. When i left home , i felt just like she did. Like part of me died. Like i left part of me there, and just like her , i am never going to get it back , even if ,now after three and a half years , i feel ok . It is something that will always be there, just a constant reminder of what i went thru. She lost her true love, her soul mate, I lost my teenage years, my grandparents, my family, my life.
She is stronger than me thought. she started picking herself up after a few months, it took me years before, i felt "whole" again, but i did. I had moments in which i felt like i was losing myself, and then i realized that life doesnt stop for me. It had to be my choice: keep going under, or confront my feelings, and life.I learned to forgive, but never forget! i leanrned how to distrust people, how to keep my feelings to myself and always question peoples intentions.
It is not as much because of Him, but because i can understand what she went thru all of those months. I know how it feels to question your sanity, and to ask yourself if everything you lived before was just a dream , i know how it feels like when you dont seem to fit in, to have to call a place home, even when it doesnt feel like one, i have been there.
People may feel sorry for her , but for those that never went thru something like that( not talking only about losing a true love), there will always be a gap.
It is a gut wrenching feeling when you realize that at some point in life, people, friends family will never be able to help you , that you find yourself in a deep hole , that seems without end.
and then when everything seems , to be getting back on track, there is always something coming back to hunt you. Like when Alice came back . For me , after going home , questions and guilt for not spending more time with my grandparents will always be there. That "What if..?" question can be a bitch!
But people always had an outstanding power to survise, to move on , even if they are dead inside...