Long time

ITs been so long since i have tried to find myself. I guess you can say i have alot of free times on my hands.
But sometimes i feel like everything that is happening is just a dream , that i am just a rag doll that gets carried thru life, without her permission . How can you find yourself?!
Humpf i dont think i ever HAD myself , but i have never in my life felt so lost. Looking back in the past , it seems that, that girl always in pink and always smileing has gone far away, sometimes i cant even tell if it was me. I am not complaining because i grew up, we all grow up at one point in time. I just grew up way to FAST! In a matter of months my whole life changed and all of a sudden i had to become responsible.
I have never seen myself all grown up. Maybe i never wanted to see myself all grown up. I alway wanted to avoid all the harships that life might throw at just by ducking behind my mothers back.
HOw can i find myself when i dont even know what i want? Where i want to go?There is no point in looking back, I already know that, knew that since i left Romania.But now realizing that all the decisions that i might make, will affect me sounds horrible. Living on your own isnt always what you thought it would be. I was never the party type , but i thought that living without my mom ,and only with my boyfriend at that time , now my honey bunches of oats husband, wasnt all that i have imagined. I thought that all would be soooo easy !Wrong! And im not saying that because of my husband, we get along really great. Greater than i had ezpected, for that matter.I am saying this just because in some ways we are still kids. We both needed to grow up faster than it probably has the case.Even so, we are still kids. Weird how he always thinks that i know things that he doesnt. I still dont regret it. It is a new road , an exciting road that most dont want to face. I will never regret making that step!!

I love you BABE!!!!!