Time Forgets

I was listening to Yiruma`s Piano song "Time Forgets" at work because i was obliviously bored..like always.
What an odd name for a song , isn't it? I never given to much thought to classical music , to just simple music. Simple music that now makes my insides growl.
It is so true thought ...time passes even when you would want to keep it in place and never let go . I was never able to see myself as being a responsible person ,as i said in previous blogs. I never saw time like something that might end. The hours at school seemed the most difficult to pass. I really never thought at how fast the time flies by. I always heard people around me saying that they have so many things to do , and so little time in a day . I always thought that was strange. For me time, the hours in a day seemed to be never-ending. I never thought at the fact that one day i might lose all my friends, all my memories ,the life that I always knew and never fully appreciated it.
It is been three years since I have been in the States. For most people this a rather long time and most would say that three years is a long enough period to get "with the flow".
Even after this time, I can't really admit that I am fully comfortable here. I think I will never be, but at the same time it should`t be so hard, right?
I have been battling monsters in my head . I am afraid that somehow i will forget who I am , who I was when I came to the States, and on the other hand I like it here, and honestly I am ashamed to admit that. Call me patriotic, but when we left home, me and my mom , i was a kid. I had no clue about how life worked , or that maybe at some point in time I had to become responsible and forget about being all bubbly. SO i liked Romania because it basically had no rules. That doesn't mean there here no laws, it just means that no one is really afraid of them, because its been only 19 years since the Ceausescu Regime fell and there are still communists out there and usually in countries where communism was present , money, bribes work best even after so many years. And that is just because people got so used to it.
I had the freedom that a child needs. I always had the most exciting summer vacations, and all of a sudden all of that got taken away . It was sudden because i have never imagined it happen. We knew that we were coming to the States.
How i hate now the day ,he came back home , after 20 years looking for a lost love. He being my soon step-father. I has 13 when he came, if i remember right he came 5 or 6 years ago Christmas time. Like the adolescent that i was a started throwing fits...not because ,that's what i did on a regular basis , but because i was crazy jealous...! I haven't seen my mom with a guy for a long time..since she broke up with my favorite person Wolfgang:)
Ok so it took me more than 3 years to talk to this guy over the phone and usually when i did i was like "Yes, no, maybe and i don`t know" but somehow i started caring for him, i started to see him like father figure, slowly but surely. I was kind of excited to come to the States and be with him and my mom , a happy family. We were so wrong, we were so naive, we were new to this all to crazy country and its laws and to its crazy people. What happened , is kinda a long story and I don't really want to write all off it because Ive been trying to forget it all together. But in short, me and my mom left Chicago and went to Seattle, Washington all by ourselves , without knowing if we`ll gonna get thru it or were just gonna end up going back home after all. But nope , we stayed, we were fighters !Looking back at what we went thru it surprises me that we didn't go crazy.We had no clue whatsoever about the States but we decided that we wont back down, just "Let`s give it a try". I cant say i regret the decision because that's how i met Alex, but sometimes i wonder what would have happened if we would went back home when we had the chance...
Bringing me back to my point...the only thing that i was proud was the fact that i new how to chose friends. How wrong was I?! In less than 2 years I have lost most of my friend because of ways of communication and time zone...The only one that stood by "my side" was my best friend Andreea ...until recently . Uh and she proved to me that I have no clue to chose friends. We all know that when money is involved people go crazy ! And i truly hate people that ditch you , after you tell them that you don't have the means to do it. Besides envy, money can destroy friendships that lasted a lifetime. I don't care what others say, because now i believe it. It may sound childish but i deleted her out of my messenger list. As i said people like that are dead to me. And it is the best way to get over all that happened, she goes on , i go on like we never met and period. I know that is going to be hard, but i have NO intentions of looking back in the past! I am done, it is time for me to go on and prove to myself that i can go on , and to be happy once and for all