So many thoughts... I wish I would have the right words to describe what I feel right now. It felt good talking to Narcis the other night. We talked for a bit about everything and nothing I suppose. It is really nice to have a friend that understands exactly what you went through at some point. I say that because , like me, Narcis grew up with a lot of meaningful friendships. His mom, Dana was a teacher like my mom . The reason why I say it is nice to have a friend that understands is because me and him both went through similar problems when we got to the States. We never quite figured out how to be in both places at once without leaving parts of ourselves along the way, I guess.
I like talking to him , I guess it is nice to know I am not the only one that has thoughts , and likes to do things that are completely weird, by myself.
It would be so much easier to be able to express myself the way I want to. That way my brain wouldn't be such a mess all the time. There are a lot of things I dont like admitting , lots of things I would like to change. Lately I came to the realization that , in order to move on forgiveness and accepting others just the way they are is a great way to start . It is very hard for me to admit it, because I always remembered when people did me wrong and at some point I would get back. A very childish way to solve problems, isn't it? It is a process that will take along time and some , will probably see it as being weak, not having a backbone. The way I see it ? Me being at peace with myself and with others. I still have a long road ahead of me , and I know the hardest part of this whole process has yet to come and I know it will take enormous amounts of patience and "uhhhsa" moments.
I know i will have to learn how to control myself.