"Dear Diary"

Ah how can i explain this?! I feel empty, really empty , like something is missing , i miss myself .
I was talking to My Mandru Cristi , and he was saying that he really doubts that i would be as imature as girls back home are. High school girls. Hum, i dont know maybe.
But i think that at 19 , they just start exploring and discovering that in one way or another they own their life and that they can say "No " to mom or dad and not get spanked( rarely happens when they get spanked after 16 ,but you never know). I just need to find the balance between being 19 and being way over 19 :).
Like we were saying, a few years ago , we didnt even think about what came outta our mouths, we would just say it and then think about the consequences :) Now im surprised that i am able to first think about it and them come back :)) It is like i am having an out of the body experience sometimes, most of the time . The only thing that keeps me going is the future and the chance of me becoming a good psychologist and having my own practice, and also being a respected psychologist.
Plans that seem far away , keep me motivated right now.I know it is not going to be easy and that on my way "to fame" ill meet people that will try to get me down , but i hope ill be stronger than them and come on top:)