Hum

I wish I could put my heart on paper, i wish i could just let go and be who I really am, but life doesn't let me do that anymore. Life wants me to chose from being a kid and having no worries to being an adult that has to be responsible. I sometimes ask myself: Why cant I have both?!
Because , as often happens in life, you cant really have everything you want or need in your life, and u certainly can't have these two things together without losing something. I am not prepared to lose anymore , i don't want to be vulnerable no more, nothing good came out of that, just people battering my heart and leaving me with a very sour taste in my mouth.
Taste that , I never ever want to feel again and if i have to do everything I can to avoid it, I will try to do my best:) Maybe some day i will be able to be like the Phoenix bird, revive from what I used to be...with the risk that i might not like what i will find and i might want to just throw everything away and go on with my life. Heart is telling me one thing, my brain another. Please, at least for once just agree on a thing, because I am slipping !
No, no , I cant, i promise myself that i will rise from everything ! I have to keep my promise ,i have to be strong.
Strong when everything around me is disintegrating...
Will I ever be prepared?!