You would think, that being 20 years old, and Alex being 22, we would be more mature about some things. Well, let me tell you , you were wrong...were no where near being mature, in some situations.
So , since we miss Seattle and snow so bad....on Sat we decided , we should go see some snow. We woke up at 11 and by the time we fully decided to go, it was 2. The only thing that sucked, was that, he had to check back in from his leave the next day at 12..:) Yeah .
We decided, that we should drive to Flafstaff, insead of Big Bear or Mt High. So we drove 4 freaking hours, right? We dont have any winter gear, so we were thinking that , in any case, we could just rent some snowboards and skiis. Well, we got to the Snowbowl at 7, I think. Man, we were going up the mountain , and everyone was coming down. WE were laughing at the fact that , we were the only ones , going up with a sedan.:))
Funny thing is , when we got up , there, everything was closed. EVERYTHING!!! What the hell?! Isnt this supposed to be a Ski Resort?? Who do you think, was laughing now?! Us? Or the guys that closed everything up?!..Yeah ..
I still cant believe the fact , that they dont have a ski slope , or whatever , you guys call it , that has lighting ! Seriously! The Ski resort opens at 8, I think and at 4 the skilift closes! What the hey?!Thats is?? Honestly people, you dont know how to make the buck! We were actually pissed. We just drove 4 hours , just to freaking , see what?!
Oh wait , yeah snow! We would probably enjoyed it more, if we could have done anything! Dang it! And it was cold too!-14 degrees Celsius?! Holy Cow that is cold!!!
But wait. Since we are so mature, we looked for a sledding, tubbing, place.
Went to the gas station , bought 2 sleds?! ( i think thats what they call it), you know , the plastic ones:)), went to this place, which of course was pitch black, left the lights from the car on , and started sledding lol. it was 9 o'clock at night, in the middle of nowhere, cold as hell, -1 degrees F this time, that means - 18.5 degrees Celsius. Lemme tell you ! COLD!!! We went down the hill a couple of times, cuz um , I was a little scared. With no lights, and no pleople around, it felt just like a scene out of a horror movie. You know the cheapt ones? Where a bunch of teens , decide to be invincible and live life, and go out in the woods , and there is a pshycho? or some weird animal , finishing them off?..yeah that kind of feeling. Creepy!
So after , we got done , freezing and tubbing, we got in the car and Alex let met like skid on ice! Sweettt! Ride ! I`ve never done that before , but I loved it!!!
Man, we were dumb.
And after 2 hours in the snow, we kinda just drove back home ...yeah ..we got home at 4 in the morning! But honestly?! IT was WORTH IT!!! whoooo hooo!

Well, there went Christmas. We had people over, and somehow, something was missing. I coulndt really put my finger on it, even though ,I kinda know , what was missing. HOME and MOM . Home as in Romania...yeah it sucked. And mom , cuz i miss her everyday:) Oh geez, I dont think The Holiday Season , will ever be the same . I mean i know that Home is wherever you feel like home , but how can i explain it , when the only time Home as in Romania home , only feels like home during holidays, birthdays and celebrations? Isnt that selfish? I am , lets say, getting by, just fine , because idont want to go overboard, every other single day , that i am here...this sucks!!! I wish i could pull my hair out and scream , and scream and scream....

Wishes!

with Christmas just around the corner , I want to wish you guys a very , Merry Christmas. I hope that , no matter you have planned, whatever you wish for , you will get it and then some.
I love Christmas time..the feeling around this holiday. Even thought I cant say the same thing , about all the things I have to do today, and tomorrow. I have to clean the house, go buy whatever groceries i still need, cook, and tomorrow put the tree up. I know most people would consider that weird, but we always put our christmas tree up , on christmas Eve. Nona was giving me a hard time about that:) Nona , I still have a long way to go untill , i get used to the traditions ,americans have:) I am sorry , I dont want to offend anyone, but that`s the truth.

Well, you guys have the jolliest Christmas , you can have ! And wish me luck with all the cooking I have planned. *sights*..maybe i bit more than i can chew ..:)

Inglorious Basterds!

Kind of late but ...Me takes bows in front of Quentin Tarantino!
"All bow to the master of Inglorious Basterds"
This has got to be the best movie of the year by far..in the comedy/action/drama?! area! It is Freaking brilliant!!!!! I loved it. I dont know why it took me this long to watch it , honestly because i wanted to see it since it came out.
Man it was a nice ass movie! And i gotta bow in front of Brad Pitt for his acting. Even though I dont really like the fella I gotta admit: he was awesome!
I loved all the French/German/Italian action :)
All i can say is WOW!!!!

Once again *takes a bow for the master behind this movie*

Not a good day today...def. not a good day today!!

How can someone that you never met make you feel such sorrow?!
even thought ,I never met him, in a strange kind of way , i have always missed him, because grandpa always missed him and i know he was never whole without him:(
This just plain sucks! BIG TIME!

"In orice idee omenească genială ori nouă, sau, pur şi simplu, chiar în orice idee cît de cît serioasă ce încolţeşte în capul unui om, există ceva care nu se poate comunica altuia chiar dacă ai scrie volume întregi, străduindu-te să explici această idee vreme de treizeci şi cinci de ani; întotdeauna va rămîne ceva netransmisibil, ceva care în ciuda străduinţelor tale nu va voi să iasă din cutia ta craniană şi va zăcea acolo mereu, pînă cînd nu vei mai fi"


Mi-a venit brilianta idée de a imi asterna propia viata pe niste foi de hartie care, cu timpul, probabil se vor ingalbeni , iar peste ani cineva o va citi incercand sa imi descifreze mintea si gandurile.
Nici nu stiu cum ar trebui sa inceapa o carte, pentru ca , bineinteles la scoala nu am fost mult prea atenta, si nici nu stiu ce ar trebui sa spun , iar ceea ce ar trebui sa tin pentru mine.
Pot spune ca niciodata nu am fost brilianta la scris sau la citit, pentru ca pur si simplu nu gaseam nimic care sa imi acapareze atentia in asa fel incat sa nu mai pot lasa o carte, un articol din mana. Uram cititul ,uram scrisul deasemenea, desi pot spune ca imaginatia niciodata nu mi-a lipsit. O aveam in deplin , dar niciodata nu am avut rabdare pentru ea.
De ce as avea rabdare pentru ceva care nu era real si la care toti ar fi ras daca as fi dat viata imaginatie mele? Eh nimanui nu ii place sa fie batjocura celorlalti….eu de ce as fi exceptie?
Vedeti ce de ca vorbeam ? Deja mintea mea are alte idei , iar eu de abia imi gasesc cuvinte, sau de abia imi gasesc concentratie de a mai continua, autobibliografia asta care era condamnata de cand am asternut pe foaie primutl rand, prima litera, prima emotie, primul gand
Poate intr-o zi cu soare o voi gasi si o voi lega ca, sa nu mai am astfel de probleme in viitor!”Care viitor don`soara?!” ar spune multi..
Viitorul meu! Care nu pare prea brilliant acum dar stiu ca e undeva acolo, as intinde mana , dar nu vreau sa descopar acum, vreau sa imi traiesc viata, sa gresesc, si sa invat din greseli , sau mai bine de atat sa le fac din nou, ca doar nu ne invatam de prima data , iar eu sigur nu voi invata din prima.
Desi niciodata nu mi-a placut sa fac greseli, tot timpul sunt la un pas de a le face. Obisnuiam , din pura teama de a nu gresi , de a nu esua la ceva, mai bine sa nu fac. Nu mi-am stiut niciodata destul de bine limitele dar , nici nu am fost curioasa se le testez, din frica de a nu descoperii ceva ce nu imi place.
Daca as fii descoperit ca imi place pericolul?! Adrenalina?!
Sa imi fi trait toata viata la maxim?! “Nu, nu” imi striga constiinta, insa inima cere mai mult din ceea ce as fi vrut sa ii dau , dar mi-a lipsit curajul.
Parca as avea doi pitici pe un umar si pe celalalt, batandu-ma la cap! Ah incetati ca nu va mai suport !! Sunt destul de matura pentru a gandi pentru mine!... “Dar totusi ce ziceai?”
Parca am dubla personalitate cateodata. Nu obisnuiam , sa joc dublu rol pana cand am ajuns la concluzia ca eu imi sunt singurul om care m-a v-a intelege cu adevarat . Si care atunci cand fac o greseala , imi v-a da o palma peste cap .
Si totusi inca nu am aflat ceea ce vreau, ceea ce sunt..
Ma laudam cu propria mea persoana, halal persoana sunt daca nu stiu ce vreau sau cine sunt!
Multi ar spune ca sunt matura, muncesc , ce mai ca un adult. Ceea ce multi nu stiu , si nici nu se asteapta de la mine e, ca sunt doar un copil care de bine de rau sta mult si bine , analizand tot ceea ce misca , din nou, din teama de a nu gresii sau a dejamagi pe cineva. Sunt doar un copil pe care viata l-a aruncat in cercul viciios al minciuni si al dezamagirii, a adultilor daca vreti sa o numim asa.

Nu pot spune ca am fost timpul atat de calculata si oarecum organizata. Eh, sterge organizata pentru ca nici acum nu sunt. Desi spre apararea mea incerc din toate punctele de vedere sa ma antrenez. Dar incep sa cred zicala, pe care americani o spuns destul de des “ Nu inveti un caine batran, trucuri noi”. Desi eu nu sunt batrana, pot spune ca sunt obisnuita cu dezorganizatia mea. Asa gasesc ceea ce caut mult mai usor.
Ma intrebam mai de una zi. De ce scriu? De ce am dorinta asta arzatoare de a striga in cele patru colturi ale lumiceea ce eu simt?! Sau mai bine zis trei , avand in vedere ca eu sunt in Vest.
De ce vreau ca toata lumea sa ma intoarca pe fata si pe dos, cand tot timpul am evitat sa imi exprim sentimentele din frica de a nu fi respinsa sau a nu fi luata drept fraiera?De ce acum cand incep sa descopar lumea simt nevoia acuta de a fi auzita?
Sa fie oare vinovatia anilor ce au trecut , iar eu am tacut malc, fara a spune persoanelor din jurul meu ce simteam cu adevarat?


II
Niciodata nu am luat sfaturile pe care le primeam in serios , si niciodata nu am dat atentie sentimentelor pe care le simteam , crezand ca vor disparea , daca nu le dau atentie. Ideea mea brilianta a tinut cat tine un cutremur .Poate nici atat. Acum cand nu mai am persoanele pe care le iubesc langa mine, parca sentimentele pe care le-am negat atata amar de vreme sunt gata sa explodeze si sa ma faca de rusine. Nu imi plac scenariile siropoase! Ma ingrozesc chiar!
Din cauza aceasta niciodata nu am spus “Te iubesc “persoanelor care contau si inca conteaza, dar acum parca a spune “Te Iubesc” suna criminal, pentru ca viata mi-a demonstrat cat de amara poate fii, lundu-mi ceea ce eu iubesc de langa mine. Simt ca a spune acum “Te iubesc” e o incercare esuata de a aduce timpul inapoi.
Iar cum toti stim timpul niciodata nu mai vine inapoi, deci in consecinta tot eu m-as face de rusine .
Am stabilit cu mine insumi ca de data asta voi fi sincera. “Scuipa acuma tot ce ai pe suflet” “ e ocazia pe cate nu ai vrut-o , desi ai avut-o tot timpul’
Acum de bine de rau macar pe aceste foi sa mi-o creez. Vreau da developez filmul vietii mele , devorand amintirile care inca imi sunt tiparite in minte.
Imi promit solemn ca voi sapa adanc in amintirile pe care le-am ingropat intunericul minti mele, doar pentru a fii capabila a zice “Eh am facut-o si pe asta”

Nascuta pe data de 22 Decembri, 1989 in Timisoara cantaream doar cateva sute de grame. Ma nascusem la sase luni si jumatate. Din vorbele mamei toti doctori din spital se asteptau sa nu supravietuiesc. Le-am aratat eu lor. Tot timpul am fost un copil neastamparat , dar tot timpul respectuos. O sa vezi de ce.
Am crescut numai cu mama si cu bunicii. Mircea a plecat cand aveam tre luni. Ii numesc Mircea pentru ca niciodata nu l-am cunoscut, si practic pentru mine e un strain.L-am vazut doar in poze, mama si bunica au avut grija de chestia asta , si de a imi spune intotdeauna adevarul. Fara ocolisuri .
Mircea era genul barbatului caruia “ Ochii nu ii stateau bine in cap”…eu prefer sa il numesc un fustangiu. Ce mai ,scurt si la obiect. S-a incurcat cu prietena cea mai buna a mamei mele, iar “don’soara” a picat ca o musca , find prima iubire, stricand prietenia cu mama, numai pentru a fii la randul ei lasata cu ochii in soare de Mircea.
Imi cer scuze , mama, pentru greseala care am facut-o. Mircea , nu te-a lasat pe tine, era prea las, pentru a fii atat de curajos si a pleca pe usa din fata, cum ai facut-o tu , probabil pentru mine si pentru sanatatea ta mintala. Nu te speria , niciodata nu i-am dus dorul asa cum alti copii ar duce dorul tatalui, in mare parte pentru ca niciodata nu l-am cunoscut si nici nu am vrut sa il cunosct.Nu poti duce dorul cuiva pe care niciodata nu ai avut ocazia de a il cunoaste. Eu l-am avut pe bunicul meu.
Toti au avut mereu grija de a imi spune adevarul, oferindu-mi chiar vacante de vara la parinti lui Mircea, in Corabia.
Aveam o oarecare oroare de a ii cunoaste ,pentru ca , tot timpul ei pentru mine nu au fost mai mult decat un gand neplacut , niste oameni care nu au vrut nimic altceva decat sa distruga ceea ce familia mea avea, niste straini chiar daca am sangele lor in vene.
Spuneam ca tot timpul am fost un copil respectuos . Motivul pentru care am afost nelipsita de bun simt , il datorez in mare parte buniciilor pentru ca m-au invatat si au avut grija sa nu ma lase nepedepsita cand am gresit.Pe cealalta parte e mama, care a fosr educatoare. Cei care au crescut cu un cadru didactic in familie stiu cum e . E parca o cerinta pe care vrei nu vrei trebuie sa o indeplinesti. Fiind copilul doamnei directoare, nu a fost tot timpul un avantaj. Mama tot timpul a fost de parere ca nu merit sa fiu tratata diferit fata de ceilalti copii doar pentru ca eram fiica ei. Si sincer niciodata nu mi-am dorit sa fiu tratata ca find fiica doamnei directoare . Era un statut pe care niciodata nu l-am apreciat . Desi trebuie sa recunosc ca uneori prindea bine.
Imi aduc aminte , ziua in care am profitat de faptul ca eram fiica doamnei directore. Cu cateva zile inainte , eu cu Mihai ne jucam in prumul care era deasupra lazi mele de nisip, construita de bunicul meu. Mihai era pe o creanga mai jos decat mine, iar eu find atta de neastamparata, am luat sfoara , cu care obisnuiam sa luam porcul, care urma sa fie sacrificat cu cateva zile inainte de Craciun, si am aruncat`o pe o creanga. Avean de gand sa ma transform in Tarzan si sa ii demonstrez la Mihai ca nu imi este frica sa ma balansez pe sfoara.
Greutatea nu a fost niciodata o problema, dar ziua aceea a fost singura zi in care mi-am dorit sa fiu mai slaba. In clipa in care m-am catarat pe franghie , s-a rups creanga cu tot cu mine, aterizand pe jos.
Nu mai tin minte daca am tipat, stiu doar ca mama a venit repede din casa, iar Mihai statea in copac uimit la ceea ce tocmai se intamplase. Stiu doar ca atunci cand am vazut-o pe mama intrand in panica am inceput sa plang, desi doar cu cateva clipe inainte nu aveam nimic.
Imi aduc aminte ca Mihai zicea, “Eu daca eram in locul tau nu plangeam”! Puf! Eu nu plangeam ca ma durea, plangeam doar ca am vazut-o pe mama intrand in panica si vazand sange. Tin minte ca m-a luat in brate, si in cel mia scurt timp am ajuns la spitalul de copii . Abia cand am inteles ce aveau de gand sa imi face, toate alarmele au inceput sa imi sune. Vroiau sa imi inchida rana , cosandu-ma ca pe o papusa de carpe. Sincer nu stiu cum am , sau mai bine zis cum au reusit sa ma tina linistita pe masa , pana cand au reusit sa imi inchida rana si sa imi dea vaccinul care impiedica infectia ranii. Sunt amintiri pe care incet incet, am inceput sa le astern pe hartie, din teama de a nu le uita.
Amintiri care inca , dor, dar care fac parte din copilaria pe care am avut-o , caruia ii duc dorul, inca.



Niciodata nu am fost buna la despartiri , de fiecare data simtiind ca o mica particica din mine e pierduta.
Tind sa cred, sa sper, ca m-am mai perfectionat la acest joc. Am spus , poate “adio” nu atator persoane , dar “Pe curand” and spus destulor. Cu cat spui mai mult , cu cat mai multe persoane pleaca din viata ta, parca totul devine mult mai usor , la clipa despartii, ma refer. Pentru ca stiu mai bine ca oricine ca , un gol lasat de cineva , nu se umple usor, asta daca se umple vreodata, chiar daca esti perfect la a spune” Pe curand”.
Se spune ca timpul vindeca si cea mai adanca rana lasata de cineva. Pot spune ca nu eram de accord cu , hai sa ii zicem , zicala, sfat, i-al cum vrei. Pana acum cateva luni. Persoane apropiate mie, sufletului meu , esentei mele, m-au ranit cum poti rani mai rau o persoana. Cu fapte. Cuvintele pot fi sterse usor cu un “Iarta-ma”, insa faptele, cel putin mie imi raman intiparite in minte. Poate fi si din cauza ca uneori sunt si o fiinta foarte ambitioasa si razbunatoare.
Am invatat insa, ca timpul , e cel mai bun remediu si ca de cele mai multe ori , sa ierti , ajuta mai mult decat a arata cu degetul , persoana care te-a ranit, crezand ca il vei rani inapoi. O persoana care stie ca raneste , dar o face in continuare , nu prea ii poate pasa de ceea ce are in jur, cu atat mai putin incercarea ta de a il rani inapoi. E o pierdere de timp, iar pana la sfarsit , singurul care va iesi , mai ranit , vei fi chiar tu. La fel cum am invatat ca timpul vindeca orice rana, la fel am invatat ca timpul , e cel mai mare dusman intr-o prietenie. Timpul si distanta sunt dusmani mei mortali.Sau poate ii pot numi nemuritori pentru ca imi e greu sa imi imaginez ca timpul se va termina vreodata.
ASa cum timpul poate intari un sentiment frumos intr-o prietenie, la fel il poate decima. E un sentiment pe care ai vrea sa ti-l poti scoate din suflet sis a il arunci la mii de kilometric distanta, insa lucrurile grele, problemele inimii nu se pot rezolva atat de usor. Si cum toti suntem invatati cu tehnologia din ziua de azi, uite ca am mai apelat la Google inca o data pentru o definitie.
Google ne zice, : Definitia prieteniei: “egalitate armonioasa” (Pitagora). “cel mai sfant dintre daruri”. “una din mangaierile vietii” (G. Galaction) .
Nu sunt de acord. Intr-o prietenie niciodata nu v-a exista o egalitate, cu atat mai putin o egalitate armonioasa. Indivizii implicati intr-o asemenea relatie, tot timpul vor avea cu cine sa se intreaca, chiar daca nu o gandesc cu voce tare. Tot timpul iti vei dori sa fi mai sus decat celalalt, sau tot timpul il vei invidia in tacere, chiar daca te bucuri pentru el , sincer. Asta e natura omului. Intotdeauna sa ajunga cat mai sus.
“Cel mai sfant dintre daruri” , la fel nu poate fi cel mai sfant dintre daruri , daca nu e o prietenie curata. Insa de cele mai multe ori ne place sa ne laudam ca ne-am aflat jumatatea de acelasi sex, si ca niciodata nu va ve-ti despartii, pana cand unul dintre voi , calca pe bec. Atunci totul se duce dracului. Pe cuvant.
“Una din mangaierile vietii”. Poate fii adevarat. Dar cum imi place sa fiu advocatul care sta pe umarul tau , poate fi si “O palma peste fata”. Nu ma intelege gresit, nu am zis niciodata, si nici nu voi zice niciodata ca prietenie e ceva care nu merita o particica din timpul tau . Tot ceea ce zic, e ca o prietenie nu te face pe tine ca persoana.Niciodata nu vei avea nevoie de o prietenie pentru ca putea respira. Cum am avut eu. Si cum gresit crezand ca o prietenie e pentru totdeuna. Am spus si mereu voi spune ca “Prietenii vin si pleaca”.


III

Ca sa iti demonstrez cat de frantice imi sunt gandurile, voi incepe alt capitol, care poate are vreo legatura cu cel de dinainte, poate nu. Te-am ametit déjà?
Asta nu e nimic. Ganeste-te ca eu traiesc cu mine in fiecare zi.
Iubesc viata. Desi nu pare. De cand am inceput sa ma maturizez, am inceput sa realizez ca pot sa fiu persoana mea , fara sa imi pese de ce zic altii. Prea mult. Sa zicem ca m-am descoperit , desi mai e drum lung pana gand pot zica ca ma stiu . Parca sunt pe un traseu pe care nu imi este teama s ail parcurg, dar care stiu sigur ca nu ma va incanta de cele mai multe ori.
Acum cateva saptamani cineva m- intrebat daca cred in Dumnezeu. Respunsul meu a fost simplu. Da. Oricine crede in dumnezeu chiar daca il numesc altfel. Chiar si cei care nu cred in Dumnezeu , cred in ceva.
Cred ca exista cineva, sau ceva care are fraiele , dar nu pot pune degetul cine exact. Sunt undeva la mijloc cu parerea asta . Eram convinsa ca , destinul, norocul ,soarta, din nou las la alegerea ta, ti-o faci singur . Dar uneori , situatiile din care nu mai poti sa iesii se aseaza atat de armonios incat , sunt sigura ca in disperarea ta , nu prea ai fi in stare sa iesi cu capul limpede. Si atunci? Chiar tu esti stapan pe viata, destinul ,norocul , soarta ta? Mai gandeste-te un pic. Nimeni nu zice ca trebuie sa crezi in Dumnezeu. E o alegere pe care numai tu poti sa o iei, dar atunci cand lucruri imposibile se intampla, ori esti nebun si crezi in magie, ori crezi ca cineva, undeva ti-a aruncat o mana de ajutor.
Am crescut intr-o familie de ortodocsi , fiecare duminica fin lasata pentru odihna ,iar Sarbatorile mari fiind cele mai inportante. Deci nu aveam scapare.

De obicei imi plac discutiile despre religii, dar cu totii stim ca e un subiect pe care niciodata nu il vom intelege. Sau descifra.
Nu demult, chiar in serile trecute ma uitam la televizor, la o emisiune, despre universe. Oameni de stiinta, fizicieni, cred ca vor descoperi cheia unui universe pararel. Greseala mea, imi pare rau . Nu ca vor gasi cheia unui univers pararel, ci ca vor gasi o cale de a calatori intre univers. Cat de nebun poti fi, cat de pasionat de munca ta poti fi incat sa poti sa crezi ca intr-o buna zi , te vei juca de-a Dumnezeu?
Nimeni nu se poate juca de-a Dumnezeu.
De ce ne place sa mergem mai departe de limite? De ce ne incredem atat de mult in tecnologia asta care pana la urma va sfarsi prin a ne distruge?
Inteleg un artist, care spera ca va schimba lumea intr-o buna zi, prin arta, sa poata spera.
Dar cum te poti juca cu ceva asa de magnific , universal? O enigma pe care oricat am vrea nu vom putea niciodata sa ii aflam famecul. Un farmec pe care il distrugem cu , din nou , tehnologia care speram ca ne va aduce mai aproape de adevar. Adevar pe care nu cred ca suntem pregatiti sa il aflam. Unele lucruri sunt mai frumoase, ramanand necunoscute.
Trebuie sa iti zic sincer, intunericul nu m-a incantat niciodata , iar in privinta lucrurilor misterioase, m-a infricosat ingrozitor de fiecare data. Da e misterios si are ceva aparte , ceva care tot timpul ma v-a fascina, dar nu stiu daca vreodata voi avea destul curaj sa explorez intunericul.
Parca si acum stau noaptea cu impresia ca imi v-a sari cineva din dulap!
Eh, dar daca imi pun destul de multa incapatanare in ceea ce vreau sa fac, intunericul dispara cu totul. Parca devin un super erou si nu ma mai tem de nimic. Bin ear fi daca incaptanarea asta a mea, ar tine in toate situatiile, nu numai in cele in care chiar nu prea vreau sa excelez.

Ion Minulescu - Cantec de toamna

Toamna... Vântul se strecoara
Suierând pe lânga zid
Si ma roaga sa-i deschid
Ca-mi aduce vesti din tara.
Vesti din tara!... De la cine?
De la ei ori de la ea?
Sa mai fie cineva
Ca sa-ntrebe si-azi de mine?
Du-te, vântule, grabeste,
Si le spune c-ai aflat
Cum ca cel de mult plecat
A murit, nu mai traieste;
C-ai batut în lung, si-n lat,
Rascolind întreg pamântul
Si ca n-ai gasit mormântul
Celui mort, dar ne’ngropat!



Ion Minulescu - Amiază RuralăE cald
Si lacul pare o harta de noroi...
E harta unei tari dupa razboi,
În care - dezgustat de-atâta murdarie -
S-a sinucis si ultimul broscoi,
Un biet scolar cu nota 3 la geografie...

Pe malul lacului,
Un bou,
O vaca,
Un vitel
Si-un taur
Recita Testamentul nou
Si poezia veche, din clasele primare:
"Viitor de aur
T;ara noastra are!..."

Iar pe soseaua comunala,
Cârciumarul,
Învatatorul,
Popa
Si notarul -
Cei mai de seama gospodari din sat -
Se cearta pe un scaun vacant de deputat.





Ion Minulescu - Celei care pleaca
Tu crezi c-a fost iubire-adevarata...
Eu cred c-a fost o scurta nebunie...
Dar ce anume-a fost,
Ce-am vrut sa fie
Noi nu vom sti-o poate niciodata...

A fost un vis trait pe-un ?arm de mare.
Un cântec trist, adus din alte tari
De niste pasari albe - calatoare
Pe-albastrul razvratit al altor mari
Un cântec trist, adus de marinarii
Sositi din Boston,
Norfolk
Si New York,
Un cântec trist, ce-l cânta-ades pescarii
Când pleaca-n larg si nu se mai întorc.
Si-a fost refrenul unor triolete
Cu care-alt'data un poet din Nord,
Pe marginile albului fiord,
Cersea iubirea blondelor cochete...

A fost un vis,
Un vers,
O melodie,
Ce n-am cântat-o, poate, niciodata...

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Tu crezi c-a fost iubire-adevarata?...
Eu cred c-a fost o scurta nebunie!



Ion Minulescu - Cântecul nebunului
Ei sunt cuminti...
Eu sunt nebun...
Dar cum Eu sunt ce-am fost mereu -
Poate ca cel cuminte-s Eu -
Desi de câte ori le-o spun,
Eu pentru Ei... sunt tot nebun...

Eu ma urasc ca nu-s ca Ei...
Eu îi iubesc ca nu-s ca Mine...
Ei beau
Si mint fara rusine -
Si-n ochii prietenilor mei
Trec drept nebun... ca nu-s ca Ei...
Lor nu le place-amanta Mea...
Mie nu-mi place-amanta Lor...
Ei vad cu ochii tuturor
Femeia...
Eu n-o pot vedea
Decât cu-ai mei -
Amanata Mea...

Dar cum din Ei toti numai Eu
Nu sunt ca Ei,
Am sa ma duc
De voia mea la balamuc -
Si fiindca nu-mi va parea rau,
Cumintele voi fi tot Eu!...


I wish I knew how to translate these poems fro you guys, but i honestly dont !

Just for the Holidays...

I think , I am going crazy. Or maybe I'm already there , who knows. I never thought I will end up thinking about how time , just flies by.
It just seems that , just yesterday , I was playing with my barbies. I have nothing to worry about. I had friends.
Now, looking back , it just amazes me, how fast I grew up. How now , I am an adult , just like I always wanted. I honestly dont mind it, because I know thats whats supposed to happen.
I just miss those days...with friends. My mind goes back to the time where we were all without worries , and to the present, where either of us , cares anymore. About one another, that is.
I guess life, turned out differently , than I was expecting. I cant say I am over what my best boy friend did, it still hurts , because somehow I thought we promised each other to stay friends forever. How can an individual inflict so much pain?
I am confused at how much our lives just went the opposite way. Just 5 years ago, we were in the same dance team, shared the same friends, and spent most of our time hanging out , getting bored, playing pranks on each other..and now , I hate him. Wit all I have. I dont like it , but for some reason , I cant get over it. I know , I am stubborn , but I just cant. He betrayed me. He let go , so easily , when i tried to hang on so tight. Stupid me!
He and Andreea were the only ones that really knew me. And as much as , i want to detest Andreea , I cant. For what is worth , life got between us, and it all went down the drain. Yeah, I cant hate her, but I dont feel the same way about her either, isnt it weird?
It didnt matter how long we were friends for, once the friendship was broken, it will never be the same. It sucks because , you'd think that just because of 14 years of friendship , everything will fall into place again. How wrong , am I?
I dont even know the meaning of friendship anymore, honestly. Why would I give myself to anyone , if in the end I'll just get hurt , again?
I am not saying , I dont like having friends, but thats exactly what they are...just friends. Not best friends , not good friends..probably acquaintences suits them better. I got used to not telling someone , everything that's on my mind. I got used to finding other ways of expressing my feelings. I learned, baby steps , that I dont necessarly need someone to vomit everything to.
As hard as it first seemed, I really , really got used to it.
I cant hide the fact that sometimes I miss her like hell, but I'll never let myself go thru that ever again. I promised myself , and I fully intend on keeping that promise. Now I have my own life, my own worries, I cant allow to be swept , into that vicious circle again.
Looking back, I reallize , I was depending , on friends too much. On their opinions too much. Always cared what they had to say.Entirely too much. Got to a point where I would live of , what they said. Oh man...but i still miss...everything..

Holiday cooking:)

I have some Christmas recipes , that if you guys want i can share with you :) Want some? Just leave me a comment

Big Day for Romania yesterday...or maybe NOT!!!

Ok , well , we all know how romanians like to complain. REally complin about the way they live, how they dont have money and how they work to much and get paid shit. They would all like to , not work and get paid for it.
Not saying that every romanian is like that, because I would be totally lieing ( I think), remember I havent been living home for 3 almost 4 years , so anything can change in AMAZING and EVER CHANGING ROMANIA. Probably even skanks complain about the way they are getting paid. Again, No offense.
It just makes me sick , how we complain, we had a revolution so that we can get rid of the communism , and where did that get us? To be lead by mindless, self absorbing people, and we still do the same mistakes over and over again! Can you say STUPID?!
This year , I guess we didnt really had a choice..it was between DUMB AND DUMBER and from what I heard it got really close. What does that say about us?!
People talk shit about one , but they wouldnt vote for the other one because of our ex- president "SMiley Face" how we used to call him.
People?! You chose not to vote for King Michael , or for Constantinescu( always talking shit about him) or Ciorba...we had some good candidates for presidency in the past , but of course , mindless people chose mindless candicates , just because they promised the world. Bull!
Dint you want this? Well , I sure do hope you are going to get what you asked for.
Romania doesnt deserve to have a president that has actually some brain function and doesnt only think about his interests.
Who the hell made Elena Basescu an fucking euro-parlamentar? or Even Gigi Becali for that matter??? Honeslty??!
First that girl , cant link two sentences together . Second of all, that douche of Becali , can talk , but not what you would expect a fucking canditate or whatever you call him , to say. Honestly . I think we got what we deserve. Mindless people, not EXCUSE ME , STUPID PEOPLE deserve to have A STUPID PRESIDENT that leads them.
Like someone said in their blog. YOu can be sure , I`ll do anything in my powers , to never come back home.
Sad because all these people , destryoed what we had left. A bright future and maybe something better . Now , It is all gone....
As bad as it is to admitt, we sure deserve to be seen they way we are seen , right now.
People that think , they can come back..please ...do you want me to bring Vanghelie into this?!
That shit head can`t even conjugate " TO be" and he is a mayor?! Vladim Tudor? ( oh for those who dont know ..he is a psycho), and he still appears on TV..I know people think they are funny, but it is scary because they are part of our " magnificient country"...oh man ...we are going down the drain so fast it is not even funny, maybe like NArcis said , in five years Romania wont even be on the map anymore:) Wouldn't that be funny?!
We had kings, leaders, that gave their lives to unite Romania , to keep it from the Ottomans and years protecting it, and it only took a few communists and a couple of years to throw that down the toillet.
I am glad , I got out while things weren't so bad. I am sorry for all of those that are working hard, and are trying to be honest and are failing miserably because of scumbags .

Wishes

Well since tomorrow is Saint Nick I really hope that you guys have a good and awesome day. Hope you guys get lots of presents and that you really enjoy those around you:)






xoxox Belle Papillion

holy mother of God! This is going to sucks big time. I just found a writing, grammar, usage and style book in my book case.
So I decided to look thru it and remember some freaking rules. Well I am already lost, thats for sure. I mean yeah sure English doesnt have as much grammar as Romanian does, but still.
Everytime I read these things in English , my mind starts thinking in romanian. To be honest I was never good at analyzing grammar. I mean I did it , but i never liked it because the shoved that stuff down our throats since 5th grade. It was either you get it , or you dont. Simple as that. I got it all thruought high school , but now since it havent used grammar , romanian grammar, it seems overwhelming. Pfu. I might as well start all over , cuz it seems I forgot everything. Man! I should have paid attention to class when i had the chance! :))

Holiday

To say I am scared shitless, is an understatement . I think the only thing that I will never get used to here, will be the holiday season.
This time of year is when all my fears, memories come flooding back. It just seems that as hard as I try throughout the year to suppress all those memories, during this time of year they come down on me ,full force.
It sucks, big time. This is also the time of the year , when I feel alone. I know that there is Alex and mom and my family, but i still cant help it. It feel like I am an outcast , always trying to fit it, always trying to be normal, even tho my inside are slowly falling apart. I worked a whole years at not letting memories hurt me so bad and now , all my work just goes down the drain.And the along with those memories , memories with my friends star popping out and then is when I know I am screwed. I mean really , can I change my head? or at least my memories?This just sucks. Big TIME!
It took me three years to start making friends, because I have always thought that if I made friends , I was somehow betraying friends from back home. While I was feeling guilty , they all had no problem whatsoever in replacing me...Bastards!!! I tell you !
Maybe , I wont replace them , now, in 3 years but someday I will be able to look back and say " Oh I once knew somebody similar" and not be hurt by the thought. I want to be able to do that now, so bad, but the harder i try, the harder it gets. So i`ll just leave it to time , to , um heal my wounds?!..I sometimes feel that time has to heal my pride ..
Maybe all tis time its been about Pride..

Never ending stupidity!

And that would apply to me.
I was thinking about all the mistakes I did in the past...and still do. I can't seem to find anything wrong with my behavior..and still I lose and get betrayed by close friends. I know human nature is very flawed. I don't deny that, but I still don't get where I go wrong with this friendship thing. I keep asking myself, if I am as selfish as I see myself to be, but then I would imagine that people would get tired of my behavior and would tell me something, right? Still , everyone keeps silent.
Why do I keep trusting people?! Why don't I have special radar , so that I can sniff out people, before getting involved and offering my 100 % ? Someone told me , that friendships, are social contracts.
I never thought about a friendship as being "just something" . For me a friendship used to mean "that, something that I have in me, and offering it more than 100%". I trust people to easy, thinking that if I am being honest , than the other person must be the same way. How naive of me! even after all this time! I sometimes hate myself for putting my feelings out there , in front of everyone , and giving people the chance to hurt me, but at the same time , I know that , is what sets me apart from everyone!
Me trying to give my all in a friendship is what I am , who I am . I have lost two of my dearest friends , and as much as I don't want to admit I will never replace them . Ever. But that doesn't mean that I don't have the right to hate them! To wallow in memories and then hate them all over again.
Life is complicated , but friendship is even harder , because it takes two to make a friendship work , and if one of the participants wont give anything they have it will never work. Life?!...it is easier because you alone can make life work, with no need from others. There are people out there , that don't even understand the meaning of friendship, but are doing just fine. Even though I think that is sad, I sometimes wonder , why can't I be one of those people, that never have to feel the lost of a good friend and trying to pick the pieces up and move on?
Because , then I wouldn't be me.

Finally!

Well, crap ...it seems that everyone say the movie already except me...what the hey?!
Really?! I am in such an isolated town that , i cant even see New Moon the was it is supposed too?
Neah it was just my lazy ass..I mean we had no clue Jay`s husband will be home on thursday night since he got switched to Day shop section , from our Crash Fire Rescue here..because if we would have known , he would have been babysitting. And we also had no clue Nona was going to be off..so We decided to go today Friday, November, 20th..
Everyone is raging how awesome the movie is ! I hope it will be awesome, because if it isnt waaaaaay better than Twilight, ill give up on watching the Twilight Saga.
Twilight sucked. I know there was no money, but honestly , i am thinking she could have managed a better looking movie...you know, staying true to the scenes in the book..like when he tells him she knows what he is..it was so far fetched from the scene in the book that its kind of disappointing!
Anywho, i am getting ready for it tonight!

Really , really Random thoughts

Well, I will begin with something that left me and Alex flabbergasted. I know that in my previous posts I kind of did a small movie review..and Bruno was one movie on the "DEff not " movies of this year.
Well, last night ,I told Alex is he wanted to be stupid with me and download "Bruno" and watch it. Of course he went along( what wont he do for me:)). So after he downloaded the movie burnt it , and we started watching it . I dont even think we watched 10 minutes of it , before alex turned off the xbox, whispering a " This is the most idiotic thing i have ever seen". Honestly people!!
I thought "Borat" was stupid...mostly because it was filmed in Romania with gypsies! But this one?! oh my it goes beyond being stupid and disgusting!It ridiculises problems that are real and have a real effect on people, nations. Oh man! I heard some time ago that a chick directed the movie or produced it or whatever..."Bitch you have big problems!", because I dont want to be mean , but if a guy would have done it well, its kind of understandable..even thought most ppl that i know despised "Bruno" and they are mostly guys..But for a chick to do this movie?!?!?! Holly Yaykes!!

Ok going on...( told u ill be very very random today)

We have 4 more days til New Moon comes out ! Hurray!!!! I cant wait to see it! I am soo freaking excited over this movie that i think something is wrong with me...horribly wrong!Good thing i am not going alone ...
And because of the movie ..we decided to skip the MArine Corps Ball..well not entirely the reason , but a big part of it..and plus almost 60 bucks per ticket for the ball...neah !
I better see the movie than go see a bunch of ppl getting drunk and acting stupid!


In another set of ideas ...i was watching a you tube video on one of the blogs that i follow ..NotanAddikt. with Kstew , Taylor and of course the freakingly eatable Robert!
Honestly , how come all of the other bitches get to take pics with them?!
Of course, it might be the fact that I am stuck in this fucking town , only 3 hours away from L.A, or with my lazyness ...but driving 3 to 4 hours just to hope ill get a glance ...come on..i might be crazy but not THAT crazy! I suggest they come to Yuma :)
We could just hang out:) ( oh man , i am going crazy here , arent I?)
Help?!
I just think that its stupid that i miss every freaking tour that they have in Phoenix! Someone needs to keep ne updated on whats going on !And nope being a stalker is not on the top of my list . I just wish to get a chance to like i dont know..maybe exchange a few words?photos? phone numbers ...ah Christ I am outta here because i am starting act stupid ...

Cius!:)

Oh man , I am sooooo happy ! We got our Jetta back from the repair shop. Daydreaming again!* i promise ill slap myself* next time something like this happens.
Um , other than that , well a lot of drama. I know that most USMc wifes can say that , but oh no wait mine is better!
Besides a dumbass thats being trying to kill himself in from of his wife and step daughter and everybody getting divorced and moving out , there is not much else going on. And when i think that i could be stuck in the middle of it..*shivers*
But i gladly took myself out of it. I dont want to be mean and whoever takes this personal , well , that just sucks.
It is funny to see how young amerians get married. They have kids, as many as they can , and they they realize they arent made for each other. It is as simple as that. why the hell would you have kids , if dont really know if it is going to work? Think that a kid will solve it?..stupid! A kid isnt like a dog , you can just give away. Once you have it , you keep it ! im sorry for the example, its harsh but it is true.
*shivers* again. bleah well, since i put you guys in touch with all the drama in my life, how about some peep talk about how ..
how I cant freaking wait `til New Moon comes out??!
I already have my ticket, my tshirt the only thing lacking here is my patience * mumbles*...like i have lots of that!!!
Watch on Friday I get off work at 5...the movie starts at 7:30! If i ave to beat some 13 year old ass i will! I will be staying in a huge like , probably and i will be pisses as hell! So a 13 yeard old wont stay in my way of seeing the movie!
I WILL KICK ASS! Like Kung-fu stuff! or ill just limit myself at slapping and pulling hair, even thought i have a feeling i wont be goods at that either, since i have never got into a fight! ...hm..thats fine Jay will have my back!!
20 days...14 hours and 42 minutes :) buahahaha

so um, i have some news:) My 1st fanfic chapter got rejected( bastards) even thought i know it was my fault. I have so many thoughts rushing thru my head its not even funny. And if i dont put it on paper right away i will forget it. Seriously!
Meah, i promise i will changed it anyways, got a better idea:)
Other than that...Happy bday to a special someone that was part of my life, for a long time.
Like Narcis said. I will never deny, or resent my past.She was part of it , and I felt it would be nice to tell her "Happy Birthday" since she is turning 19.
Many things were said. I dont regret them because i feel that , they somehow proved my independence , my maturity (up to a certain level, everything beyond that , I dont take responsability for:)) , but I am also sorry because, I feel that two people that have manners, should never speak like that. Especially , since we both knew each other so well. We knew the low blows and I think we kind of got really low , this time. It felt more like I was breaking up with a boyfriend ( you know, throwing tantrums like a crazy kid, throwing diferent objects at each other), than what it really was.I decided to move on with my life , and let her be.( it wasnt easy , but i cant fight against time, just go with it.)
I can be very possesive , you know.

Regarding the earlier post.. I posted it just to let it all out. I guess I forgott to write about the part where , you can say I got my happy ending.
I wanted my story out there because I am pretty sure I am not the first one that went thru it and I probably wont the the last either, because this world is full of cowards.
I cant say I am living the "American Dream" but, I honestly dont think I want it anymore, anyways. There is to much pain , just because of this "Dream" that most people , end up despising because it steals their life, their years and their emotions. There are just to many meanings to the "American Dream " that I honestly think , that there is nothing left of it anymore.
I would love for you guys to argue that with me, actually I dare you guys to argue that with me:)

It is time..

..to tell the story.My story.The first year I got to the States.
*sigh* here goes nothing.
It was December 6th, 2006 when we got our visas. Me and mom. The whole process, happened so fast that, I honestly didnt, think about it , that much. I was just happy that I didnt had to go to school anymore.I was free of homework, teachers, reading and math.
We decided , that we would leave after , Christmas, sometime in February. We wanted to have one last Christmas with our family.
Thinking about it , I realized that i was about to leave everything behind. Mom, auntie, grandma, cooking in the kitchen, my grandpa helping peeling potatoes, getting the drinks ready, shoveling the snow outside...
We always waited to do the Christmas tree, on Christmas Eve, but since my birthday is on December 22nd , that year we decided that we need to do it early. I always used to do it with my cousin. I still remember , how unpatient i was, waiting for Vlad to come over and help me untangle the lights.
That year, i decided to decorate my Christmas tree, with my best friend Andreea. everything was perfect.Thats the moment , when i realized that ,i would terribly miss the girl that was part of my life for the past 12 years.I think thats when both of us realized what was about to happen. We would be separated.
If I would have to be honest , at the beggining i didnt like the guy . It took me three years , before i started talking to him on the phone , whenever he called.I just used to throw a "Yes", "No", "I dont know" in there and i was done with him. I was the tipical single child , that only had mom . I was jealous of this guy that just dropped in our lives and claimed that he loved my mom. I remember the day he took a shower in out bathroom , i totally freaked out! i started yelling at my mom that she needs to get him out!
I never threw any tantrums, but , i was jealous . Well, , I got over it , after my mom asked me if i wanted her to be alone for the rest of her life..
It was something , i never wanted for her, so i started thinking that maybe this is what was best.
I was never good at goodbyes, and the fact that half my family and friends came at the airport didnt make it easier ,either. It was the most heartbreaking thing , that ever happened to me. Seeing my grandpa, my uncle, my best friend , cry. My grandpa never cries. But seeing his face that morning broke me inside.
We landed in the States , in chicago , Illiois , at O'Hare Airport. I was mesmerized. The highways, the buildings , the cars, the people.
The American Dream , that I was just about to start experiencing...or so i thought..
I was never good at being social , because i was shy, and me being put in a totally different enviroment that i was used too, killed it.But I tried.
Before me and mom , Gala had a family. An ex-wife and two daughters..and since i was an only child i was overly exctided that i would have 2 sisters. I was wrong again.
The only thing i got from them were screms and cussing.They were afraid that i wouls steal their daddy`s money. humpf, i only thought that they were jealous.
but well making the long story short....They started threatening me, calling me, you know the whole shabang.
One day when he came to pick me up from school , when we got home , his ex-wife, was waiting for us in the drive way. She got out of the car and came at my window , yelling and calling me, my mom and grandparents names. I dont really care if ppl offend me, but when you mess with mom and grandpa and grandpa , its game on. I tried really hard to igonore her, because i was educated to do so. To respect adults. I tried getting out of the car, and pass her when she came in my face and called my mom a "whore".Uh! Bad choice lady!
At that moment, i asked very nicely to back up, because i was getting very, very pissed. She had no right , to sat these things to me. I had done nothing to her. And I am guessing she was just in creaming and yelling mode, because she wouldnt stop.
So , what was I to do?Well, being the respectful child that i was , i told her to" back off and stop yelling at me , or ill spit on her head and then wipe it off"( since she was round like a ball and much much more shorter than me). Um thats when my mom came down , and shoved me in the house and we went up. Gala stayed down with her, but that lady kept yelling. At one point, and it all happened very , very quickly , he came inside and dialed 911, si the cops can come and take her off the propriety.I was shocked. I always knew cops in the States came fast, because i watched shows...but i have never thought i would get the chance to see it. In less than 5 minutes 4 cop cars were in fron of our appartment.Like i said i was shocked.I have never had problems with the cops before in my life, and i couldnt really process what happened around me anymore.I was getting to a point where , all i wanted to do was to get out. to pull my hair out! To cuss at him for lieing! For making me trust him. for making mom trust his dumbass.He had been here for more than 15 years ,and has no credit whatsoever. He let me and mom , go look at houses, and decide on one, just to find out that when we were in the process of buying it, no bank was loaning him money because he was once bankrupt and had no credit. Well, he had credit, but not what you would expect a romanian person to have after being here for more than 15 years. We were shocked. My mom was so dissapointed , that i thought we were just on the edge of packing out things and go back home.
The rusning point that made us leave chicago , was the phone call i reveived while in Hone Depot looking for a nice rug.It was i thing the day before Easter. As i picked up there was a voice that asked me " Are you afraid ,bitch?" " you should be"
I freaked out. Thats when my mom decided that we had to leave. But of course , we didnt go home..mom had a friend in Seattle, that offered to help us with whatever she could. so intead of taking the first flight back home, we ended up in a completely unknown state. Just me and my mom.
I woke up, renting a motel room , and thinking about how this was going to be "my house" for i didnt know how long.
I never knew what hate was, until i met this guy! I hated him , hate him and i will always hate him with everything i have.You took my life away! A life that i was good at, a life that i enjoyed having.
I really hope you rott in hell, even thought i know it isnt good to have these feelings, i cant change them. I have never been more disgusted with someone more than i am with this man , that doesnt have what it take to have a family!

Old memories, still the same ! Neverending and never dying !

I was looking thru the pictures from back home..
Mostly family. Friends, a few but not as many as I always thought I had.
I was looking over them and i realized that for each member of my family i have something to be thankful for.
My Grandpa( "my dad") he made me the person that i am today. He was always there, maybe even more than a grandpa is there for his granddaughter. He will never know how much i love him, because , you see, i have this problem with saying "I love you". You can say that he is the apple of my eye. He is the one person in this world that will always have a place in my heart. No matter ,where I am , no matter what I do, i do it for him. To make him proud!
My Grandma: the only woman , besides my mom , that i would give my life for. Her stories will always be with me. She often use to tell me :" i might not have school knowledge, but i have life experience to guide me". I always too her , her stories for granted. I would give anything to have them back.
My uncle (2nd "dad"): Thank you ! For loving me! For teaching me math problems, in my first years of school, for tutoring me, for having patience with me! For being more than an uncle!
My auntie: Again, thank you! Thank you for giving me another set of wonderful grandparents! Thank you , for taking care of me , and listening to me when i didn't had it so good.
Tata Ion: I know you are no longer with us and its been 8 years since you passed away, but you re still in my heart. you weren't my grandpa by law nor blood, but that never mattered to you. You still loved me like i was one of your own. It doesn't hurt as much to remember you, nor do i cry as much , but I still remember you!
Mami Neli: Thank you ! again for being the grandma that took me under your wing , even if i wasn't your blood! I will forever be thankful for your love for me!
Roxi; I know we never had anything to say to each other, but time and life made us grow closer! thank you for listening to me at my worst , at my best and all the times in between. I love you more than you know, even thought i never told you this!
Vlad: Well, we always used to fight! You were the bigger cousin. Remember when you put me in the water grandpa used to filter?! Yeah i didn't forget that. Nor the times when we used to play soccer in the front yard and break grandpas flower pots. Nor the times we used to go out to the movies! I love you , cousin , even is I am so far apart from you guys!
For all the other members that I have...Thank you for all the wonderful memories that you gave me! i remember every single Christmas , Easter and every single birthday!
My mom:
..Mom i know that i dont tell you how much i love you , but never doubt that i do! i am not used to saying i love you , because i always have the impression that everybody around me knows that already. Thank you for helping me become who i am today! Never doubt the way , you raised me, the values you taught me!I love you!

People , are you crazy?!

Ok, wow i am amazed! Yes i love Twilight , but I love it because of New moon! If People would just let themselves see, or at least try to imagine the pain you go thru when you lose someone , maybe then...
dont even come back at me with replies, you cussing at me because , that just shows me how stupid you are! find some whitty replies, people! Cussing is the easiest way out!

Here is the thing!
Yeah Stephanie`s story might be all wrong , but you are you to say it is?! If you are a writer yeah , then , that gives you the right. All of you seemed to love Harry Potter ( i do too), but isnt that kind of fictional too?!
Or what you believe in MAGIC , now? come on...
Most videos on YouTube state that vampires dont sparkle and die in the sunlight! first of all!
There are no vampires!
Bram Stoker was an bored ass , that had nothing better to do ,then distort my country`s history!
Vlad The Impaler wasnt a vampire People!!! Im kinda growing tired of stating this!
He was just a good fighter!! A good ruler that didnt accept traitors and didnt have pitty for his enemies!!!
He was perfectly fine...no sucking blood, no "boom" in the sunlight, no coffins! and no he never dranked his enemies blood after a battle..Those are German and fucking hungarian stories about him( btw did i ever mentioned how much i hate hungarians?)
Geez people can you be more stupid , saying vampires dont sparkle?
That " My vampires go boom in the sunlight?"
Vampires dont exist ! It was just a really ,really bad story !
I bet most of you watched "Interview with a vampire " and thought it was hot because of Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise, or maybe because it wasnt written by a mormon!
what the hell is with you guys , passing judgments?! Saying that , oh just because she is mormon! Vai si amar de capul vostru!( i had to say it in romanian).People are entitled to their own opinions, but there are some weird ppl out there that are so passionate about hating Twilight that freaks me out!
We got it! U dont like it! Bummer, move on ! Stop wasting your time on, telling people you hate Twilight!
Yeah she might over reacted with making Bella clumsy and stuff, but it is all fiction! everything can happen!
so now...how many of you watch True Blood ?! oh but that is a good series right? Or maybe Blade? some of you can be so fake! Just because Blade kills vampire and he doesnt sparkle, that doesnt make him any more real than Edward Cullen is!
As for the warewolves, well, in our mithology they eat the sun and yhe Moon and all of that. I dont want to go into the whole thing with thwe Varcolaci because , well thats something i dont really believe in . And before you even start yelli
ng and stuff, No i dont believe in Vampires either! I just like the book!

Here is some help for you guys!

http://www.monstropedia.org/index.php?title=Strigoi
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strigoi

http://vampires.monstrous.com/romanian_vampires.htm
http://www.draculas.info/vampires/romania/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vlad_III_the_Impaler

I really hope you guys get tired of believing that the world just revolves around what we are shown on tv...she went ouside the lines and everybody is passing judgements because she is mormon!!
You small minded people!

:) I am back~

Ok, so everyone that knows me, already know that my office is full of poster, of a certain Cullen hottie!Just 4 big ones,fair enought right?
So I came back from forks and La Push a little down because either Edward nor Jacob came out to met me ( what a shame!*sobs*) and i woke up at freaking 5 o'clock so that we can take the ferry from Edmonds really early , so we can be there at a good hour.. I think we got to Forks at 9 something :) ( i am so very proud of myself), because i only did that trip once, before all of this Twilight crap , that my life seems bo be centered around lately, happened.
Ok so we got to forks and um , all around town , you can see Twilight stuff and most of all Twilight Heaven!!! sickeeeee!!! "Dazzled by Twilight" is heaven for Twihards!
Of course I bought something!( youd really think i would just go there and not buy anything?)
I keep it simple thought! First of all because I was with Narcis, a friend of mine, that, of course kept making fun of me and Twilight( next time ill forget im in a store and ill slap the s*** outta you !) and second of all , i kept thinking that Alex was going to make me chose between him and Edward.Sooo...i just bought some stickers..( even thought that hoodie looked good too. it was way to much and i didnt want to break alexs heart)
A Team Edward and a Twihard one oh yeah and a fridge magnet that clearly states the following: " I am in love with a fictional character".
I dont really know what planet was I on , when i bought the stickers and planned to put them on the back of the Jetta, honestly. Alex was about to rip my head off , when i told him about it..*bummer*..*sights* ill still find something to stick them on ! I am a smart girl! and i wont back down til i do!
The other day I was of course in my "art studio" reading some fanfiction , when alex comes in and starts playing with the dogs. We started talking about Twilight of course! Every single chance i get i suck him in!!(muahahaha) and after me mentioning Edwards name a couple of times , alex was like lets just call him "Him" because its obvious he doesnt like the fellow!
So Edward became Him "whos name we do not mention in this house"..oh well as long as he'll listen to me talk about him , without making fun of me , i Am glad~ Thats a step forward!

Ok , here we can discuss more important subject like " why do I like Twilight?"or better said New Moon...
Here goes nothing!...
I am very similar to Bella, or at least my story is very similar to hers, her feelings. When i left home , i felt just like she did. Like part of me died. Like i left part of me there, and just like her , i am never going to get it back , even if ,now after three and a half years , i feel ok . It is something that will always be there, just a constant reminder of what i went thru. She lost her true love, her soul mate, I lost my teenage years, my grandparents, my family, my life.
She is stronger than me thought. she started picking herself up after a few months, it took me years before, i felt "whole" again, but i did. I had moments in which i felt like i was losing myself, and then i realized that life doesnt stop for me. It had to be my choice: keep going under, or confront my feelings, and life.I learned to forgive, but never forget! i leanrned how to distrust people, how to keep my feelings to myself and always question peoples intentions.
It is not as much because of Him, but because i can understand what she went thru all of those months. I know how it feels to question your sanity, and to ask yourself if everything you lived before was just a dream , i know how it feels like when you dont seem to fit in, to have to call a place home, even when it doesnt feel like one, i have been there.
People may feel sorry for her , but for those that never went thru something like that( not talking only about losing a true love), there will always be a gap.
It is a gut wrenching feeling when you realize that at some point in life, people, friends family will never be able to help you , that you find yourself in a deep hole , that seems without end.
and then when everything seems , to be getting back on track, there is always something coming back to hunt you. Like when Alice came back . For me , after going home , questions and guilt for not spending more time with my grandparents will always be there. That "What if..?" question can be a bitch!
But people always had an outstanding power to survise, to move on , even if they are dead inside...

I am sooo excited!

Well, since my mom is in Seattle, my immigration shit came over there and i have to go over there for an appointment:)

guess where this Butterfliy is going , when she gets to Washington?
its either Canada or Forks, which by the way is a hard decision to make!!!! I would do them both but since ill only be there a couple of days, i wont have the time to satisfy my need for my cravings , at this point.
when we move back to Washington , well, thats another story.

Ok so since i took extented time off from my bloggin` I promise i will make up for it!
nothing exciting happened! I am in yuma, what can happen...oh wait something did happened! We had a huge storm the other day, or maybe a few days ago!! It was awesome.Andrea and me were at the window just watching how it rained, since she is from Oregon and I miss Washington. a bunch of freaks. Other than that , I think i just might have convinced my hubby , about the importance of Twilight in my life after " You are such a pig and you are such an insensitive person":)) Well i guess he cant be a person if he is a pig, but it works in my book.
so i think he kind of got my point , when i became histerical ,yelling at him , that everytime i want to talk about the books he becomes a jerk. So I think , he finally accepted Edward in our life. Hurray!
Other than that, not much . Just me wasting my time reading , fanfiction of course, and started writing some of my own stuff, continuing on the old things that i started writing a while back , and now started some new projects , that i dont know if they are ever going to be done.
I started so many things , and I realize, that they never got done , because they cant hold my interest for long , so i just start a new one ..
i prtomised myself that i will try and finish whatever i will start from now one , but its really hard lol:) but i need to keep my promise...and since i will keep it (hopefully) i have to go write some more...

OMG!!! Vulturi Cast Pics are released!!!!

I have just stumbled across these pics on Yahoo movies

ok so for the past few days i almost choked my lovely brain to help me come up with something to write. As usual I cant keep my thoughts on a straight line ..THAT can be annoying as hell.
I mean sure I want to let you guys now how much i love Twilight , but like i said my thoughts keep flying , and in this case they fly straight at Edward ( i suggest some ducking ), but since he can read minds , he would probably see my thoughts before he gets hurt.
I just added two more posters to my wall colletion. So now i only have four and im planning on staying at four..i think!
dont want to risk it with the hubs because he just might get tired of my Twilight blabering someday and send me off looking for Edward, in Forks. I wouldnt mind it that much since, he is the one that told me to throw myself in Edward's arms:)and i would go back to my beloved Washington state!
Sometimes i stop and i think :"what the hell happened to you ?". As you all might now by this point I AM ROMANIAN. Many of you would ask :"so what?"
well here let me give you a history lecture !
Since that bastard of Bram Stoker came up with Dracula , everything changed!

His Romanian surname "Drăculea" means "Son of the dragon" and is derived from his father's title, Vlad the Dragon (see Vlad II Dracul); the latter was a member of the Order of the Dragon, created in Serbia prior to the battle of Kosovo (1389), and re-instituted by Emperor Sigismund in 1408. The word "Dracul" means "the Devil" in modern Romanian but in Vlad's day also meant "dragon" and derives from the Latin word "Draco", also meaning "dragon".

The people of Wallachia gave Vlad II the surname "Dracul". His son Vlad III would later use the surname "Drăculea" in several documents. Through various adaptations ("Draculea", "Drakulya") Vlad III eventually came to be referred to as "Dracula".

His post-mortem moniker of "Ţepeş" ("Impaler") originated in his preferred method for executing his opponents, impalement, as popularized by medieval Transylvanian pamphlets. In Turkish, he was known as "Kazıklı Voyvoda" (pronounced [kɑzɯkˈɫɯ]) which means "Impaler Prince". Vlad was referred to as "Dracula" in a number of documents of his times, mainly the Transylvania Saxon pamphlets and "The Annals of Jan Długosz".


[edit] Methods of execution

Woodblock print of Vlad the Impaler dining in the presence of numerous impaled corpsesWhen he came to power, Vlad immediately had all the assembled nobles arrested. The older boyars and their families were immediately impaled. The younger and healthier nobles and their families were marched north from Târgovişte to the ruins of Poienari Castle in the mountains above the Argeş River. Vlad was determined to rebuild this ancient fortress as his own stronghold and refuge. The enslaved boyars and their families were forced to labor for months, rebuilding the old castle with materials from another nearby ruin. According to tradition, they laboured until the clothes fell off their bodies and then were forced to continue working naked. Very few of the old gentry survived the ordeal of building Vlad's castle.

Throughout his reign, Vlad systematically eradicated the old boyar class of Wallachia. The old boyars had repeatedly undermined the power of the prince during previous reigns and had been responsible for the violent overthrow of several princes. Vlad was determined that his own power be on a modern and thoroughly secure footing. In place of the executed boyars, Vlad promoted new men from among the free peasantry and middle class, who would be loyal only to their prince.

Vlad Ţepeş's reputation was considerably darker in Western Europe than in Eastern Europe and Romania. In the West, Vlad III Ţepeş has been characterized as a tyrant who took sadistic pleasure in torturing and killing his enemies. The number of his victims ranges from 40,000 to 100,000.[7] According to the German stories the number of victims he had killed was at least 80,000. In addition to the 80,000 victims mentioned he also had whole villages and fortresses destroyed and burned to the ground.[8] These numbers are most likely exaggerated.[9]

The atrocities committed by Vlad in the German stories include impaling, torturing, burning, skinning, roasting, and boiling people, feeding people the flesh of their friends or relatives, cutting off limbs, drowning, and nailing people's hats to their heads. His victims included men and women of all ages, religions and social classes, children and babies. One German account includes the following sentence: "He caused so much pain and suffering that even the most bloodthirstiest persecutors of Christianity like Herodes, Nero, Diocletian and all other pagans combined hadn’t even thought of."[10]

Impalement was Ţepeş's preferred method of torture and execution. His method of torture was a horse attached to each of the victim's legs as a sharpened stake was gradually forced into the body. The end of the stake was usually oiled, and care was taken that the stake not be too sharp; else the victim might die too rapidly from shock. Normally the stake was inserted into the body through the anus and was often forced through the body until it emerged from the mouth. However, there were many instances where victims were impaled through other bodily orifices or through the abdomen or chest. Infants were sometimes impaled on the stake forced through their mother's chests. The records indicate that victims were sometimes impaled so that they hung upside down on the stake.

Death by impalement was slow and agonising. Victims sometimes endured for hours or even days. Vlad often had the stakes arranged in various geometric patterns. The most common pattern was a ring of concentric circles in the outskirts of a city that constituted his target. The height of the spear indicated the rank of the victim. The corpses were often left decaying for months.

There are claims that thousands of people were impaled at a single time. One such claim says 10,000 were impaled in the Transylvanian city of Sibiu (where Vlad had once lived) in 1460. Another allegation asserts that during the previous year, on Saint Bartholomew's Day (in August), Vlad had 30,000 of the merchants and officials of the Transylvanian city of Braşov impaled for breaking his authority. One of the most famous woodcuts of the period shows Vlad feasting in a forest of stakes and their grisly burdens outside Braşov, while a nearby executioner cuts apart other victims.[11]

Vlad Ţepeş is alleged to have committed even more impalements and other tortures against invading Ottoman forces. It was reported that an invading Ottoman army turned back in fright when it encountered thousands of rotting corpses impaled on the banks of the Danube.[4] It has also been said that in 1462 Mehmed II, the conqueror of Constantinople, a man noted for his own psychological warfare tactics, returned to Constantinople after being sickened by the sight of 20,000 impaled corpses outside Vlad's capital of Târgovişte. Many of the victims were Turkish prisoners of war Vlad had previously captured during the Turkish invasion. The total Turkish casualty toll in this battle reached over 40,000. The warrior sultan turned command of the campaign against Vlad over to subordinates and returned to Constantinople, even though his army had initially outnumbered Vlad's three to one and was better equipped

So here the little history that he, Bram Stoker should have researched before, totally making Vlad Tepes a freaking vampire. If there was something as close to a vampire , there was Elizabeth Bathory (Hungary history which i dont like going into ), she used to kill all her servants, mostly young girls , drain their blood and then bath in the blood. Well, you can draw your own opinion from that.

So with my history lecture all done , I can go on with my Twilight, please? i dont really have a patience for many things , but ill try and post more , since now, I am , declarying myself a hard Twifan!
and to prove it to you , that my thoughts are crazy , I almost forgot i i gace you all that history lesson.
I dont know about others , but movies, plays, books , that involve vampires, especially "Dracula", kind of dont hold an interest for me. I just see it as distorsioned history! Sad ,but true!
Thats why i was saying " what the hell happened with me?". I used to hate those movies , even thought i would watch them to see just how creepy they would portray Vlad the Impaler, and now I am crazy about a love story between a human girl and a vampire. How ironic is that?!?!?! or better can it get more ironic than this?:) I hope not!

P.S. Don`t get mad Edward. You would probably make me believe all the stories about Vlad Tepes with just a few winks!

Ay Dios!

Another week! Or should i say another boring week?!..this is driving me crazy! I might as well just build in my office a little space where i can bang my head on, out of boredom!:)
I keep thinking about getting another job , but i am scared s***less, since the job field is so bad, i am going a little nuts , in here all by myself.
If i didnt had people working on my floor ,i would feel like i was being punished :)) , all day long i am here by myself, since this freaking air station base, in the hate-able Yuma is not as big as it should be so that i can make some extra hours and keep me busy all day. Anyone wanna trade places with me?!:D:))

Imagine that i were...

I sometimes let myself fly away. I let myself imagine, if my life would have been different if i was born under another name, nationality or even personality.
If I had to chose , I would prefer to be Greek. Not in particular for their beauty , but because of their history. We all know that Greeks are our treasure. I see that way. Greek history, culture, traditions, music and even dances fascinate me , for some reason. I love their language, and a plus if i was Greek , guess what , obviously i didn't have to learn it from scratch! I love their food, even if not all of it.
They just fascinate me. And lets not talk about Greek guys! While in Thessaloniki , many years ago.., if we barely saw an ugly guys! Those boys are GODS!!!!
I also think about me being someone I am not. I am very content with who i am , but sometimes it is just funny to put yourself in someones shoes.
Other than this, humpf, not much . Just waiting for New Moon to come out sickeeeeeee!!!
I was also thinking about finding another job, but with the lazy and very "not upsetting others" being that i am , i kinda don't have the guts to leave my job. I already got it, and its a very nice job, but sometimes i really want to get back to my old job. And i also like my boss and right now it would be really hard to leave him with no one to cover for me...ah man, this sucks.
the only thing that keeps me going here in Arizona is the fact that , i know where my life will go after these 4 years in the Marine Corps. I am so over with not knowing what to expect. the fact that were going back to Washington , keeps me alive in this freaking dessert . Military life isn't for me. I hate it. Hate being chained to something that doesn't allow you to do anything.Blah, two more years.Not even that. A years and 11 or 10 months!!!

Sunday

I never liked sundays , but sundays here in Yuma are the most boring days ever. I might just go back in the pool and tan :) At least make the best put of it ,right?

Veni, vidi ,vici!

I am back in the States..sour taste in my mouth?!
Yes. Everything is the same and at the same time everything is different.I am pretty sure that people, romanians that will read this part will "renegate" me for what I am about to say about the wonderful and surprising Romania. Do not get me wrong! I will always love Romania and I will always love going back there... visiting! It is an amazing country, with goods and bads, like every other country . But the difference between Romania and the other countries is that , the others can keep their flaws and the circus at a minimum. Romania?! not so much!!(and fellow romanians you hate to agree with me on that!) It looks to me that we actually enjoy being "drove" by mindless people, by gypsies that got a goverment position over night because of the money he can bring to the table. No matter how stupid he is, the money counts more..
When I left, I honestly did not give a crap about what was going on back home. Didnt care about laws and corrpution nor the gypsies, but now things are sooo soooo different. Everywhere you turn, there is corruption and gypsies at large.
We had to run around to solve the problem with Alex`s paperwork. We got to Bucharest Saturday morning and on Monday we were heading to Galati so that we can get his birth Certificate ,because without the birth certificate you cant get your I.D.
Ok everything was nice and tight until we got to Galati . We went to the office from where we had to get his birth certificate, but the "lovely ass" ladies werent on the same tone as we were. We had to go to a public notary , to get his mom a paper that gave her the power to take his birth certificate. The reason we needed that was,from wehat they kept saying , that alex cant identify himself. Even with his Washington States I.D and military id..humpf what do you know. They needed money. As soon as we got some cash out they solved it ,like in a few seconds.
Money will always run Romania. For as long as the people that are in charge will never stop being so greedy, Romania will never surface as the country, the nation we should be.
And people that are about to write me comments that this is not true and that I forgot where i came from can just kiss my lovely behind ,because they need to get out of the country and see how Romania is seen from the ouside.

On another sour note..It wasnt all what i expected it to be. But before i got into my whole crybaby stuff i have something really funny.
We landed in Budapest, Hungary, at like 22:45 at night on the 8th, right?
We did customs and passport check and all of that good stuff, and when we got out of the terminal , I of course, was looking for my lovely cousin Vlad because he was supposed to pick us up from Hungary. When I got out I only saw his girlfriend Bianca . The main reason why he wasnt there ,was because he was arguing with the hungarian airport police(fags), because he "parked in the wrong spot" meaning they didnt let him park where he did just because he had romanian plates. This hungarian fags dont really like us, you see?
Oh man I got there and i jumped to kiss and hug my cousin after not seeing him for 3 and a half years and that bitch started yelling at me in Hungarian. Dude you are working at an International airport and dont speak English?! Come on!!!
I honestly thought i will wipe the airport floors with her! Bitch! Stupid Hungarians!!Dont care what anybody says ! I will always ,always dislike Hungarians." Neam Prost !"

Ok. So i prosmised you guys some drama...hmmm from all the friends that i had only a few showed up. I mean most were gone for the summer ,but those that were in town didnt even bother to even tell me that they didnt want to see me .
The biggest disappoinment was my best boy friend Dani. I called him and he told me hell met me later on that night and when i called him he never picked up. Like never never!
I really need to vent now!
You freaking stupid child!! You really didnt got over me huh? Thats the only way i can explain you not showing up! It is not my fault you decided to listen to your lieing sister , which by the way left you , not carrying what could happen to you ,over what i said ! You got what you deserved! Or what money changed you ?!
You were always saying how much you despise people that change because of money, and now look at you, you forgot who your friends were, you bitch!
I guess you never had the guts to be honest with me !! Was it so hard to just tell on the phone you didnt wanted to see me?!
At least i wouldnt have tried so hard to reach you ! Now i can really say :"I regret the day i met you and all the memories I have with you !!"
I dont need people to hurt me , after it took me so long to accept that life isnt fair. I wont let people hurt me after all this time...like i said people like you arent worth anything.
Oook, pfuu now that feels better!:))
A few posts back i was talking about my best friend and how she said that ill regret having the fight with her...hmm..yeah..then why did she show up at my door when she heard i came home? All shaking and crying?! Bitch please.
Excuse my language in this post , but I am still venting!:)
You really thought I will come back to you crying and apologizing?! Heck no! Its been months since my low self esteem got in the way of the new person that I am becoming! I dont really care if yo ugot hurt, you will never know what I felt all the years that i was gone and you were replaceing me with others, until i accepted it.
Thanks to you and that other smartass I realized that there is never a person that you can honestly call your best friend. The best friend is a best friend only for as long as they both have something to gain out of the friendship.
But what can i say, people learn all their life. And i learned my lesson.
I did suffer but , that made me more of a independent person , rather than always waiting for others to help me:0 and i guess that is a good thing after all, very useful in some situations:)

Oh wow !

The only thing i have to say about Bucharest is that is hot as hell, noisy and smelly lol!!!! I almost forgot about the Bucharest breeze!But it is a beutiful city !

Holiday

I am enjoying Romania ,but not as much as i thought i would. I wll let you guys know everything about my thoughts and expectations and dissapointments (which are quite enought by the way).

See you guys soon!

Changed my mind:)

Ok so i thought that would me my only post for the day , but as you can imagine I am very bored at work!
Guess what my briliant Alex thought of doing?
One subject that I hate opening with him , is about ghots or call them spirits.
He is so mind set that there is no such thing as spirits , that honestly it just drives me mad, and i only see red!
I cant say that I have had a close encounter , but I do believe that there is something out there that we cant really explain. Call it, intuition?! I dont know what you can call it.
I have always believed that spirits exists, the difference is that now i know that they dont really show themselves like Casper and they might not always be as friendly as CAsper. I always wanted to experience something like that , but i have never had the chance.
So , the other night Alex, Suggs , Coffee and me got into the subject , and for the first time Alex listened to all of us, and then he got the brilian idea of using the Oujia Board. I think that one is my fault because , i might mentioned it to him..*sigh* .
Soo he wants to use it.
Me?! Not so much just because , i do believe in it and i do think that nasty things can happen from it. And like i said i dont want to be "another stupid kid thta, had nothing better to do", but i guess i am stupid for even considering it, so there goes me thinking i was a smart person all along ,another set of *sights*
I am so curios about it , but at the same time that thing freaks me out!
Anyone have any suggestions?!

They would honestly be very very appreciated !
And in my previous posts i said i talked to a very down to earth person!
I hope everything is good with you , and that you have a relaxing weekend after all this work!

Dear Diary II

Ok so here is a quote that i love" Each day is a gift,not a given right"..I just had to write it down before I got a chance to forget it.I dont even know what to write about!
It seems that all my thoughts just flushed away.I would like to share with you , all that passed thru my mind, but that is never a good idea , because that would mean , I am letting myself unprotected.Not such a pleasent feeling , trust me. I have tried it before ,and I almost lost my heart, in the process of sharing my thoughts and emotions.
I can feel my heart beating , really fast. Days will be so long, now. why is that when , something you dremt about, takes such a long time to go thru?!
Oh gosh i cant believe its the third day , and i am dreading to write something!!
Dude! Get over it!
I can write about whatever i want!
Even if it is crazy?! I wonder ! Eh it doesnt count!
And there goes my head again..wooshing thoughts , just like the bees i have around my switch room!
Good thing about those is that with Mr Exterminator they die..and i cant really say the same about my thoughts, can i now?!
Why cant we just blow thru one ear and they would just come out on the other one?!It would make it just so much easier for me, it would make me relaxed as hell:)
I am currently listening to Shanin - Yasmine! I love the song! Thanks to a friend that i recently met. Brendan. He is From Namibia:) Thank you again for the song:) And the conversations. YOu really did help me.
Other than that, i dont really know.
I dont really have the patience for anything these days. I am not working on Thursday, Friday( because of 4th of July), and then theres the weekend, and Monday and Half on Tuesday that i am going to have to go thru . I am exactly like a kid , when he wants something, he knows he is going to get it , but doesnt have the patience to wait for his gift! I guess now i understand kids that scream and throw fits when thet want something, or wanting it sooner than expected.
Hmm.. what else can i talk about?! I dont want to go into deep subjects , like i told Narcis , because i dont really think i am in the right state of mind , and i dont want to make a foul out of myself!

Oh my goddness!

I was reading the other day the cover of a magazine, about Kate slapping her kid .
Are you seriously discussing how she educates her kids?!
The whole shabang , front page news, police everythinh. And y? just because she is on Tv and thos damn paps , have nothing else what to do.
She is not the only mom the America that soanks her kids, there are worse mothers than her out there.
What is soo bad spanking your kids? Because there is no spanking allowed , kids these days dont even know where to look in a dictionary for the word respect, i doubt they can even know what it means..
I am against abuse , but when your own child spits, or yells at you , there has to be something you as a parent can do. Apparently we are fighting the world and high up people , on how one should educate their child.
I remember my grandpa, and my mom spanking me , whenever i did something i was told not to do..they spanked me, and yet here I am , I didnt die and I think i turned out just fine with a few spankings.
and honestly with eight kids?!?!?! I am surprised shes still on all her working nerves.
Not really defending her, because i think she sometimes is phychotic , i am just defending the education she choses to give her kids.
Back the hell off! Its none of your business!!!!!
Just go home and educate your own kids because they are freaking brats!~

Rough night, last night

Soooo, I went shooting for the first time in my life! It was the coolest thing ever~ *giggles* . I honestly loved it.
We went out in the dessert and I got to soot a shotgun! I was totally afraid that as soon as I was going to pull the trigger , I was going to eject myself , or better said the power of the gun was going to like throw me backwards:)), that didnt happened and i caught a taste for shooting, gotta do it next time, with a pistol aha!
It felt strangely relaxing.Getting all that frustration out of me !Pff! Awesome!

Another subject that annoys the hell outta me.Kinda. Being sexxy...hmmmi honestly have no clue how to do it ,and if i try , i have the feeling i try to hard and i look dumb.I have been surrounded my whole life, by guys, almost, so as you can imagine i am kind of a tumbboy.. .I like wearing jeans and my chuckies and just a plain t-shirt.Nothing wrong with that...in my head!
The reason why I dont like dressing up is because first of all, high heels , require a lot of concenttration ( keeping your back straight, knees, head) all of that, and second of all because everytime i do dress up people look at me. Scratch that. Stare at me and with my luck one of those days i'll trip on something and make a fool outta myself.I kinda like not being in everyones wispers or stares...It is just me.
For me, my 40 some bracelets ( colored ones), smiley face t-shirt and some jeans work just fine :)
I mean , when i have to go to an event , i'll dress up , but lets just put it at Dreesing really really fancy isnt my style, or doesnt represent me at all.
I can just imagine myself, high heels. being al dressed up, walking and then puf i fall ! Oh No! I am no dumb barbie lol . If i say I cant really do it, then I wont try:))
I love being weird.See, but when people look at me , when i wear my chucks I am totally fine , because i know nothing will happen. I just hate attention :))
I think it is good feeling sexxy :) once in a while.
Ok so i think i am done with my lecture on sexxiness hmm..there isnt much to cover!I am sorry for all the ladies out there ,that think i am a bum right now:)
I am sitting in an office the whole day, where I freeze my derierre off, if i might add, not doing much , just blogging and reading, so excuse-moi if i dont really want to dress up, just so that i can get outta here an ice-cube:)

Excuse me?! What the HELL are you doing?!

So I think there is something wrong with me.For some reason I like torturing myself! I just said a few days ago I will not let my past get the best of me , and here I am looking at pictures , that only bring old, old memories back. Memories that i have been trying to hide, for what?! Three years now?!
So i really think I enjoy this for some stranger a** reason!
In other order of ideas, i almost got my ass kicked in walmart the other day hihihi.
Here is my story. I don't like making fun of people no matter how they look or how they dress , because in the past i have been one of those kids that were bullied and made fun of.
So i was standing in line to check out and behind me was this chick (and to be nice and not offend anyone she , me X 5 times) , she was with her boyfriend, right? She kept looking at me . Ok no harm done with that , i don't usually care if people stare. But it annoys the hell out of me when ,after they stare , they start whispering . At least if, you really wanna talk about me honey , have some manners about it.
SO after she starred at me , she turned at her boyfriend , he looked at me and they both started laughing.
Oh and THAT was it. I mean i don't look at her , because she is fat ,but she makes fun of me because I am skinny! HECK NO! SO i turned halfway to her and her bf, and whispered "Whats your problem B****?!" I usually don't talk like that ,but some people really have a talent of getting me mad to the point of madness! I am surprised she didn't came over.
Only after I opened my big mouth i realized she could easily made me a poster on the wall :)) hihi but no worries , now i can run and i really doubt she was in the mood for a run:)
See ,every time , i get angry , I like most people, start making fun and i don't really call it making fun, because sometimes fun is innocent, I am ironic and sarcastic.
Dark humor , if you like to call it. Once i begin I cant stop:) mvahahahahah