Dear Diary II

Ok so here is a quote that i love" Each day is a gift,not a given right"..I just had to write it down before I got a chance to forget it.I dont even know what to write about!
It seems that all my thoughts just flushed away.I would like to share with you , all that passed thru my mind, but that is never a good idea , because that would mean , I am letting myself unprotected.Not such a pleasent feeling , trust me. I have tried it before ,and I almost lost my heart, in the process of sharing my thoughts and emotions.
I can feel my heart beating , really fast. Days will be so long, now. why is that when , something you dremt about, takes such a long time to go thru?!
Oh gosh i cant believe its the third day , and i am dreading to write something!!
Dude! Get over it!
I can write about whatever i want!
Even if it is crazy?! I wonder ! Eh it doesnt count!
And there goes my head again..wooshing thoughts , just like the bees i have around my switch room!
Good thing about those is that with Mr Exterminator they die..and i cant really say the same about my thoughts, can i now?!
Why cant we just blow thru one ear and they would just come out on the other one?!It would make it just so much easier for me, it would make me relaxed as hell:)
I am currently listening to Shanin - Yasmine! I love the song! Thanks to a friend that i recently met. Brendan. He is From Namibia:) Thank you again for the song:) And the conversations. YOu really did help me.
Other than that, i dont really know.
I dont really have the patience for anything these days. I am not working on Thursday, Friday( because of 4th of July), and then theres the weekend, and Monday and Half on Tuesday that i am going to have to go thru . I am exactly like a kid , when he wants something, he knows he is going to get it , but doesnt have the patience to wait for his gift! I guess now i understand kids that scream and throw fits when thet want something, or wanting it sooner than expected.
Hmm.. what else can i talk about?! I dont want to go into deep subjects , like i told Narcis , because i dont really think i am in the right state of mind , and i dont want to make a foul out of myself!

Oh my goddness!

I was reading the other day the cover of a magazine, about Kate slapping her kid .
Are you seriously discussing how she educates her kids?!
The whole shabang , front page news, police everythinh. And y? just because she is on Tv and thos damn paps , have nothing else what to do.
She is not the only mom the America that soanks her kids, there are worse mothers than her out there.
What is soo bad spanking your kids? Because there is no spanking allowed , kids these days dont even know where to look in a dictionary for the word respect, i doubt they can even know what it means..
I am against abuse , but when your own child spits, or yells at you , there has to be something you as a parent can do. Apparently we are fighting the world and high up people , on how one should educate their child.
I remember my grandpa, and my mom spanking me , whenever i did something i was told not to do..they spanked me, and yet here I am , I didnt die and I think i turned out just fine with a few spankings.
and honestly with eight kids?!?!?! I am surprised shes still on all her working nerves.
Not really defending her, because i think she sometimes is phychotic , i am just defending the education she choses to give her kids.
Back the hell off! Its none of your business!!!!!
Just go home and educate your own kids because they are freaking brats!~

Rough night, last night

Soooo, I went shooting for the first time in my life! It was the coolest thing ever~ *giggles* . I honestly loved it.
We went out in the dessert and I got to soot a shotgun! I was totally afraid that as soon as I was going to pull the trigger , I was going to eject myself , or better said the power of the gun was going to like throw me backwards:)), that didnt happened and i caught a taste for shooting, gotta do it next time, with a pistol aha!
It felt strangely relaxing.Getting all that frustration out of me !Pff! Awesome!

Another subject that annoys the hell outta me.Kinda. Being sexxy...hmmmi honestly have no clue how to do it ,and if i try , i have the feeling i try to hard and i look dumb.I have been surrounded my whole life, by guys, almost, so as you can imagine i am kind of a tumbboy.. .I like wearing jeans and my chuckies and just a plain t-shirt.Nothing wrong with that...in my head!
The reason why I dont like dressing up is because first of all, high heels , require a lot of concenttration ( keeping your back straight, knees, head) all of that, and second of all because everytime i do dress up people look at me. Scratch that. Stare at me and with my luck one of those days i'll trip on something and make a fool outta myself.I kinda like not being in everyones wispers or stares...It is just me.
For me, my 40 some bracelets ( colored ones), smiley face t-shirt and some jeans work just fine :)
I mean , when i have to go to an event , i'll dress up , but lets just put it at Dreesing really really fancy isnt my style, or doesnt represent me at all.
I can just imagine myself, high heels. being al dressed up, walking and then puf i fall ! Oh No! I am no dumb barbie lol . If i say I cant really do it, then I wont try:))
I love being weird.See, but when people look at me , when i wear my chucks I am totally fine , because i know nothing will happen. I just hate attention :))
I think it is good feeling sexxy :) once in a while.
Ok so i think i am done with my lecture on sexxiness hmm..there isnt much to cover!I am sorry for all the ladies out there ,that think i am a bum right now:)
I am sitting in an office the whole day, where I freeze my derierre off, if i might add, not doing much , just blogging and reading, so excuse-moi if i dont really want to dress up, just so that i can get outta here an ice-cube:)

Excuse me?! What the HELL are you doing?!

So I think there is something wrong with me.For some reason I like torturing myself! I just said a few days ago I will not let my past get the best of me , and here I am looking at pictures , that only bring old, old memories back. Memories that i have been trying to hide, for what?! Three years now?!
So i really think I enjoy this for some stranger a** reason!
In other order of ideas, i almost got my ass kicked in walmart the other day hihihi.
Here is my story. I don't like making fun of people no matter how they look or how they dress , because in the past i have been one of those kids that were bullied and made fun of.
So i was standing in line to check out and behind me was this chick (and to be nice and not offend anyone she , me X 5 times) , she was with her boyfriend, right? She kept looking at me . Ok no harm done with that , i don't usually care if people stare. But it annoys the hell out of me when ,after they stare , they start whispering . At least if, you really wanna talk about me honey , have some manners about it.
SO after she starred at me , she turned at her boyfriend , he looked at me and they both started laughing.
Oh and THAT was it. I mean i don't look at her , because she is fat ,but she makes fun of me because I am skinny! HECK NO! SO i turned halfway to her and her bf, and whispered "Whats your problem B****?!" I usually don't talk like that ,but some people really have a talent of getting me mad to the point of madness! I am surprised she didn't came over.
Only after I opened my big mouth i realized she could easily made me a poster on the wall :)) hihi but no worries , now i can run and i really doubt she was in the mood for a run:)
See ,every time , i get angry , I like most people, start making fun and i don't really call it making fun, because sometimes fun is innocent, I am ironic and sarcastic.
Dark humor , if you like to call it. Once i begin I cant stop:) mvahahahahah

This so not fun! I have no clue how i slept the other night , but my whole left arm hurts really really bad! I can barely move ! Ah I hate not being able to use all parts of my body!I just hope it will pass until Monday, because my boss is coming down to install some WiFi servers and i really don't want to look like a bum!Not being able to move around:)) That would be actually really funny since i never met him ahahahah.

Hmm other than that..i am nervous because i have an appointment with Immigration on Tuesday so that i can get my extension for my visa...since they`ve been working on our case for over a year now..it is very frustrating because we should have gotten our papers long ago.
I am anxious because I don't really know what will happen ..and if they deny my extension , i am going to fall to pieces, because i wont be able to go home...
I really ,really want to go home..i haven't seen my grandparents in over 3 years..like i said..i just hope that my luck plays with me not against me this time!

SO I got to talk today to someone that is very down to earth even thought she reached the peak of success! She is a very cool person .
I guess i just feel good knowing that there are people out there that aren't willing to forget who they are, in spite of what they have. It never counts WHAT you have , but WHO you have in your life..
For as long as i got to talk to her , i like her. She seems really nice .

Thank you :)

Admitting you have a problem is always good, isnt it?!

Ok ...so i have been avoiding , really hard to post anythin about Twilight or how most people call him Mr Sparkle :))
I went with Nona the other day, after going to Michael's to get my painting supplies, to Hot Topic , because thanks to TWITARDED i found out that they came out with New Moon Stuff.So i took Nona by the hand and dragged her to HT hihhi.
But, I have to say , the things that are out right now, arent really cute, i just ended up buying the poster , and i just bought my Twilight shirt:) A little bit late but,oh hell , better later than never right?
As much as I like Twilight , I love my hubby and he obviously doesnt really like Mr Sparkle ...so I think I will just limit myself to the posters, my t-shirt and my blog postings:) He doesnt really have to know the "hihi's" and the "haha's" when ever I get to see something related to the books:)
I just wished we would have stayed in Seattle. I can still remember my trip to the Olympic Pen,oh god!
Forks was the town where we stopped because , neither one of us had looked at the gas thingy and right after we entered forks , we were out of gas. Our destination were some Hot Springs and a resort that they had, but it was full so yeah.
We spent the night in forks, ah Edward where were you?!
And...in the morning we made our way to Soul Duc , we hiked like 10 miles until we reaced the Hot Springs, but it was fun:)
Now every time i mention the fact that i want to go back to Seattle and to Forks my hubby becomes like one of those old grumpy men , saying that the only reason why I want to go there is because of Twilight. "No, No honey I miss the rain and the green seriously"..but I still wish Edward was real would and cross my path...but doesnt need to know that:)
Ah Stephanie what did you do to us?!

In another order

Ok so ...i kinda avoided thinking about the books lately right?hmmm ot really working for me lol..my phone rings , all my cd`s in the card remind me of the books...what the freak ,dude?!
Am I slowly but surely getting there?!I dont want too, because i really dont want to be like those chicks that just dream about him and would just do pretty much anything to like get his atteintion:) hmmm..maybe i might be saved, or cured..but since i am re-reading Breaking Dawn again for the n time...i really doubt it !
uh uh uh I think it is time to admit that i have a problem. I heard admitting it , admitting ur addiction will help you recover faster!
My fellow Twilighters , now I am one of you :)):)):)) you either slap me to get outta it or u will just take me under your wings so i wont feel like a weirdo !

Peter Facinelli

Ok so i feel really weird doing this but here it goes lol :)) you guys need to follow him on twitter:) HE NEEDS to win that bet:)) SO go ahead and follow hin on Twitter.com

I dont know why but i suddenly feel the urge to write in romanian...

Ah, ma astepta Patria Mama! Romania stai ca vin ! Timisoara in cateva saptamani a mea esti!
De cand astept sa merg acasa, si totusi imi imaginam ca o sa ma simt altfel.Credeam ca nu o sa pot dormi saptamani intregi , stiind ca ma voi intoarce acasa.Acum..?! e diferit...multe s`au schimbat si multe au incetat sa mai fie. Acuma am griji. Le-as arunca pe geam , dar am distincta impresie ca se vor intoarce sa ma bantuie, ca amintirile pe care nu le pot uita, sau amintirile pe care nu vreau sa le uit. Ce sunt daca imi uit amintirile? Un trup care nu valoreaza nimic.
Acum incet incet ma pregatesc sa merg acasa, dupa 3 ani jumatate, hmm ciudat sentimentul asta . E prea greu de descris, iar eu nu am fost niciodata buna la ales de cuvinte, sau la a le pune impreuna intr-o propozitie.
Pe de o parte ma ingrozeste lungimea zborului, 20 de ore o sa incep sa vorbesc singura.Iar pe cealalta parte e groaza , pe care oricat as vrea sa o indepartez si sa nu o simt , nu pot ,frica de a nu mai fi la fel ca si ceilalti. Imi e frica , in mare parte de mine, pentru ca simt ca m-am schimbat atat de mult incat nu mai sunt aceeasi persoana care am fost .Imi e frica ,ca voi fi ca multi dintre romanii care se intorc acasa din strainatate si se simt oarecum mai sus decat sunt, in mare parte ca aceei romani care au uitat de unde au plecat.
Sper ca eu voi fi o exceptie la aceea regula.Vreau sa fiu aceeasi atat de mult incat cred, ca voi esua din prima incercare.
Nu mai sunt, aceeasi persoana ,care habar nu avea de viata sau de ceea ce vrea de la viata, deci in consecinta , nu mai pot fi aceeasi si multor persoane nu vor fi multuminte.Nu ca mi-ar mai pasa de ceea ce zic alti .Si totusi nu imi place sa fiu eu cea care sare calul:)
Tot timpu am dispretuit persoanele care uita de unde au plecat si de la ce au plecat, iar gandul ca as putea fii una din acele persoane ca sperie de moarte!
Iar pe o a treia parte , prietenii, hmm o problema la care nu prea imi place sa ma gandesc pentru ca , prea multe lucruri s-au intamplat. unu la mana "povestea de iubire" cu prietenul meu cel mai bun care , ne-a lasat amandurora , un gust foarte amar si niste amintiri care niciodata nu vor putea fi uitate, si faptul ca amandoi stim foarte bine ca nimic nu v-a mai fii la fel...oricat de mult as tine la el , cuvintele care s-`au spus si persoanele care au fost implicate ..tsss, eh asta este!
Doi la mana, cearta cu Andreea! Da inainte de asta ,vroiam sa merg acasa sa-mi vad bunicii , dar mai mult vroiam sa o vad pe ea, nerealizand ca eram la un pas de a imi "renega "familia. e un gol pe care niciodata, sau cel putin nu in viitorul apropiat il voi putea umple. Multumita?! In o oarecare masura DA pentru ca am fost capabila in sfarsit sa ii zic ce aveam de zis fara s aimi fie frica de faptul ca ea ar putea fugi la "prietena de rezerva". Prietena ei de rezerva a ajuns in timp sa fie persoana mea , din cauza distantei.
Credeam ca voi fi mereu dependenta de ceea ce ea imi ofere, si intr-un final descoperiind ca nu mi-a oferit nimic , atat de valoros incat sa iau cu vine la mii de kilometrii dinstanta. Niciodata nu voi considera ca prietenia noastra a fost o pierdere de timp , sau ca regret ca am fost prietene 14 ani. Nicidecum, nu pot renega faptul ca pentru atattia ani , ea pentru mine a fost ,sora pe care niciodata nu am avut-o. Persoana pentru care as fii facut orice. Ar insemnsa sa imi regret viata , cum a zis Dani, pentru ca majoritatea amintirilor sunt cu ea si cu el.
Dar am descoperit ca incet incet acele amintiri cu care m-am luptat atata timp, incep , incet sa dispara, sa le vad ca pe un nor de ceata. Timpul vindeca orice rana, sfat pe care nu l-as fi crezut cu cateva luni in urma.Viata tot timpul merge inainte , oferindu-ti sanse de a merge si de a te ridica> Am invatat ca totul depinde de tine , si numai de tine.
Nu imi plang de mila , realizez doar ca sunt o persoana puternica si ca daca imi pun ceva in cap , si cu putina perseverenta tot timpul o sa reusesc sa merg inainte, indiferent de greutati.

Fidgeting, because I have no patience for this!

I have been ou t for so long now! I apologize:)
It is just that i cant really do anything these days..knowing i have a few weeks left until i go home:) Oh God! I feel like a kid in a candy store..my candy being my memories and the fuzzy feeling that i get thinking about my grandparents and how they will react when they will see me:) I cant wait!!!!
On the other hand..nothing new here...well except for the part where Alex got into a bender fender like we like to call it and the back of our Jetta is ruined:((:(( it wasnt his fault and yes he is fine:)
Hmm..other than that..I am excited to see New Moon , I saw the preview and it looks awesome :)
I wish i had Bella`s life:P
Not because Edward is hot, or the guy that plays him is hot, just because her life always seems to have an answer, the light at the end of the tunnel , a happy ending. In the end she gets everything she want. Immortality , a kid, the perfect guy that is crazy about her, ( talk about life after death) and will always love her no matter what.
Oh, well the rest of us will just have to deal with our human life and worries:)):))

Morals

Morality (from the Latin moralitas "manner, character, proper behavior") has three principal meanings.

In its first, descriptive usage, morality means a code of conduct which is held to be authoritative in matters of right and wrong. Morals are created and defined by society, philosophy, religion, or individual conscience. An example of the descriptive usage could be "common conceptions of morality have changed significantly over time."

In its second, normative and universal sense, morality refers to an ideal code of conduct, one which would be espoused in preference to alternatives by all rational people, under specified conditions. In this "prescriptive" sense of morality as opposed to the above described "descriptive" sort of sense, moral value judgments such as "murder is immoral" are made. To deny 'morality' in this sense is a position known as moral skepticism, in which the existence of objective moral "truths" is rejected.[1]

In its third usage, 'morality' is synonymous with ethics. Ethics is the systematic philosophical study of the moral domain.[2] Ethics seeks to address questions such as how a moral outcome can be achieved in a specific situation (applied ethics), how moral values should be determined (normative ethics), what morals people actually abide by (descriptive ethics), what the fundamental nature of ethics or morality is, including whether it has any objective justification (meta-ethics), and how moral capacity or moral agency develops and what its nature is (moral psychology).[3]

Ok...so thats what Wikipedia has to say about morality.
What do you guys think?! ( this should be really fun):))
i dont think i am such a rebel , but i def not agree with what people seem to agree on what morals are.At least not on the conduct stuff . I mean ,I am an idividual and i can think for myself, isnt that what we are taught ?1 To stand up for ourselves and express our opinions?
To not blend in with all the others?! hmm...so why should we follow rules on conduct ,when we dont agree on what those rules should be?

Russia PM Putin says gas transit to Europe may stop

Russia's Prime Minister Vladimir Putin said Wednesday gas transit to Europe may stop at the end of June or in early July if Ukraine does not pay for pumping the gas into underground storage. Skip related content

"Gazprom will only supply the gas which has been prepaid. Without the gas pumped into storage Ukraine will simply not survive and will be forced to take gas destined for transit," Putin told a news conference in Helsinki.

"This may lead to a stoppage of gas transit to Europe in the end of June or start of July," Putin said.

(Reporting by Gleb Bryanski, editing by Brett Young)


No offense but hes a ahole, they always think they are better than everyone ..just because they control all the gas that we use back home doesnt mean that they are in control . i mean yeah sure they might manipulate Europe right noe , but im pretty sure that we have other sites in europe for gas...
They are punishing Europe for their fight with Ukraine. Fight thats been going on for ever!!!! Ah man get over it!!!

I looooooooove my dogs !!!! Caesar keeps following me:) Yesterday I was mopin the floor and i put him on the couch , and i thought since hes so little he cant jump off the couch:)) I was apparently wrong , as soon as I went in front of him , he cried and jumped lol just so he can follow me around :)) Im glad sheena is getting used to him. They are starting to play around and bark at each other ,which is good ,since Sheena was a alone since we got her :)

I love my Puppies ;;)

Hum

I wish I could put my heart on paper, i wish i could just let go and be who I really am, but life doesn't let me do that anymore. Life wants me to chose from being a kid and having no worries to being an adult that has to be responsible. I sometimes ask myself: Why cant I have both?!
Because , as often happens in life, you cant really have everything you want or need in your life, and u certainly can't have these two things together without losing something. I am not prepared to lose anymore , i don't want to be vulnerable no more, nothing good came out of that, just people battering my heart and leaving me with a very sour taste in my mouth.
Taste that , I never ever want to feel again and if i have to do everything I can to avoid it, I will try to do my best:) Maybe some day i will be able to be like the Phoenix bird, revive from what I used to be...with the risk that i might not like what i will find and i might want to just throw everything away and go on with my life. Heart is telling me one thing, my brain another. Please, at least for once just agree on a thing, because I am slipping !
No, no , I cant, i promise myself that i will rise from everything ! I have to keep my promise ,i have to be strong.
Strong when everything around me is disintegrating...
Will I ever be prepared?!