I thought I knew what friends are. At least what friends meant to me.
Now I am not so sure. The one thing that I hate most is being lied to and I have this nagging feeling that that's whats being going on for quite a while now. I know there is no way we can be the friends that we were , but I just wish that Dan would have the balls to admit everything . Him and a couple of other people.
Why am I so kin on insisting that we should be like before , i really dont know. Perhaps it is because i thought we were really good friends and that even thought almost 5 years passed , i had this wild wish that maybe we would stay the same after all.
Just punch me , right?!
I have great friends here , really really great but somehow they will never be able to fill up the empty space that my old ones left. It's obvious that they all have moved on from what happened when i went home.Probably even cracking some jokes about it who knows. I mean how awesome does it feel to stand up your best friend after 5 years?
I wish I was better prepared for the low blow that I got .I wish I wasn't such a possessive bitch and just let go of my past and my friends easier.

I never really had to try to not do anything so hard in my life. I swear I am really trying but its like it keeps coming back just to test my patience. I sometimes wonder what am I supposed to do ..just keep taking or just fucking going nuts . i know that if something like that would happen , oh man, just like with Andreea and Dani. Ill say stuff just because I am mad , and then ill be the one who over analyzes shit.What the hell am I supposed to do?

I miss Seattle. i miss the green , hell I even miss the rain. I cant wait to get back there. I honestly had enough of this heat and the dessert.

Freaking-A ! i am so bored and tired. Good thing is Friday because I am losing it.

I

Just a little taste of Timisoara, Romania which is my town.

It's been a while, but between school and work , I am whipped. Now that Michel had a hip surgery , I am responsible for the base in El Centro , California and it sucks. I hate the drive. It's so boring its not even funny.Besides that , nothing new..or not that new.

My mom just came from from visiting Romania, and like I told her it would happen , she came back feeling like she didnt belong there anymore. It is so weird..,We never thought America will grow on us, but after both of us going home, we realized that, even with all that we went through , we came out winning. In part.
I lost my friends, which still hurts and I think about it once in a while. A few weeks ago, Andreea started chatting with me. Yeah true we chatted here and there, but thats was pretty much it. Like, I said she started talking to me..why cant I forget what she said to me?! Why cant i get over it?! Is it because I am too proud ? Is it because when you do something to me , i'll make it 10 times worse?
Whatever it is , it is helping me. I dont want to go back , I have nothing left back. Yes you might think that ,I keep going on and on and on, but I am one of those people that once I decide something or someone is worth my time, I give everything I have , not even looking back or thinking about what I might lose.That's who , I am and I tried changing, but failed at it everytime. I cant hurt people and even if I do it is not on purpose , when I realize it , I always go back and try to fix it. There is enought people out there that could do harm on purpose, that they dont need another one on the list. I much rather back out of a fight, and you think I am a coward than putting myself in an akward position. First of all , because like all of us, I say things I don't mean and I will regret at some point, and second because I don't like yelling like a bat out of hell, like a freaking schizophrenic. If I don't like you , you can be sure that I won't hang around you , or pretend I like you. I won't go out and scream it left and right, I like doing it very , very subtle.Fights and insults were never my cup of tea, instead I , (if you want to call it that) take the cowards way out. Some think , I may be a bitch when they first met me, let me just say this...I am shy! and still have an accent after all:)
Some may think I don't have balls, for not arguing, or lashing out. I just like ending things on my own terms. Don't worry , sooner or later I will get my chance and I WILL do it when you least expect it and I WILL DO IT with a smile on my face. Coming back to what I was saying. I like ending something on my own terms.You know , having mu hands clean.Nice and simple.
The only thing that scares me is that I might be like Mircea( my dad). I have never met him. I only saw him in pictures, my mom and grandma and everytone else in my family insisted on showing me, but that was as far as I got meeting my poor excuse of a father. Don't misinterpret things. I am not mad or jealous , far from it. I am pissed. Pissed that , when I called him for the first time in 17 years , he lied to me. The only thing I have ever asked of him was his email , so I can send him some pictures of me..and i think yeah the paper saying that he agreed to letting me come to the States. In 17 years , I asked two things and he almost never acomplished either one. The only reason , I got the paper from him , is because I looked at his mother and his sister straight in the eyes and told them I will be the one who will bring him back to Romania in handcuffs for not paying child support for 16 years and that I, myself will call the Interpol, they got scared. They couldn't let that happen to their precious , fucked up child and brother. I would have done it in a heart beat , and they would have had his ass so fast in handcuffs that he wouldve not realized what was going on.
I let the email mistake slide , because oh well I knew for sure that they gave him pictures of me.
Now, the other week I called his nephew, my cousin. I told him I wanted to see how my half brother looks like, and he got all defensive. That this is not his problem , that this and that. Excuses excuses. Just like his uncle, hell, his entire family. Of course he never sent me the pics , but thats ok. Like I told him , I have Mircea's adress in Spain, Madrid. Its a quick fix. They thought I was kiddin? Well, we will see how that poor kid finds out about me. I am done playing nice with his family. It is my freaking right to see that kids face. I just asked for a picture! But since my cousin started laughing when I told him that that poor kid will find out about me one way or another , I will do it just because of it. I never asked anything from their pathetic family and now they decide to deny me this thing?
Uh uh , I wont accept that!

I cant just freaking stop thinking about it. This whole thing is messing with my head ! He did a pretty good job at showing me that people change at the sight of money. I really thought he was my friend , my closest one , for that matter.After all that we`ve been thru he had the balls not to come and see me ! After Ive been next to him when his mom died, far away from home , after i felt like i was losing something important too. I was there when everything happened. He was there when mom got married! I fucking Hate YOU Dan ! I hope that one day you will be man enough and tell me your real]l reasons for lieing to me ! I hope that someday you will realize that you have become exactly the type of person that a few years you hated with a passion! Do you hate yourself now?!

Ok. there is seldom times where I dislike people. even if I do , I know first impressions are good for shit. So I try to give people a second change. But some people are just AHH!!!

If I could i would rip his balls!!Bastard! I am so pissed!
I feel like I am losing Nona and I dont want to. We barely see each other anymore. I know she is busy with work , and her husband, since he is in fucking Dayshop!
I just feel like im losing friends , without even doing anything. It seems I am good at it too! Go I am so stupid!!!I nedd someone to come slapt me. This shit always ends on a bad note. I am tired on thinking that there is anyone out there that is meant to be called a best friend!

Yes , I have changed my blog name. Don't get me wrong , i like being in the States, but 4 years isn't a very long time to fully get accustomed , to everything that happens here:) Don't start throwing stones at me , just because of the name I chose. Don't like it?
Then DON'T READ IT !


Cius:D

Ok , so we all LOVE Robert Pattinson , but what the hell is he doing with his facial hair? Really come on Rob ...we like clean !


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