I Feel like such a failure. I feel lost. Completely lost. I dont know where to start fixing whatever is wrong with me. it is like i am stuck in this hole that i have no way out of and i keep going in circles. I know what i want to do , but i never do it because i have no energy left. Most people would mistake that for lack of motivation or being lazy. It is so hard to have all these plans and ideas stuck in your head knowing that you will probably never do them because there is nothing inside of you that motivates you . I never thought that i would be in this situation and it makes me mad and ashamed that i let myself get here. I should have seen it , I should have done something about it when i first thought something was wrong...not let it get to the point where i am today . Struggling to find a ounce of doing even the most routine chores.. I feel empty and like I disapointed everyone around me with my lack of knowing what i want and what i like. disapointment is all that i see , coming from me. Feel like I am not making my husband happy , not making my mom happy and not to mention that the little friends I have I haven't talked to them in a very long time. It is very lonely in my corner. I feel lonely and empty. Slowly but surely I have distanced myself from everybody that I used to care about. Made myself a nice , cozy corner of loneliness and empty. And now realizing it , i do not know how to surface back . surface to the person i was before. NOt that i am sure i was ever a person , but it would be nice to go back to whoever i used to be . Maybe then i will have a idea of where to go and what i want to do . the more the write, the more i think about it , the more i realize that maybe the pills will help me. Maybe that is the only thing to keep my on track . To make me function in the world. Pills! How cruel is that? Relying on pills to get me through my mind and life. Pathetic . I am so angry with myself . Angry that I let this happen , angry that i am dragging people that i care about through this mess i created for myself.