Freaking-A ! i am so bored and tired. Good thing is Friday because I am losing it.

I

Just a little taste of Timisoara, Romania which is my town.

It's been a while, but between school and work , I am whipped. Now that Michel had a hip surgery , I am responsible for the base in El Centro , California and it sucks. I hate the drive. It's so boring its not even funny.Besides that , nothing new..or not that new.

My mom just came from from visiting Romania, and like I told her it would happen , she came back feeling like she didnt belong there anymore. It is so weird..,We never thought America will grow on us, but after both of us going home, we realized that, even with all that we went through , we came out winning. In part.
I lost my friends, which still hurts and I think about it once in a while. A few weeks ago, Andreea started chatting with me. Yeah true we chatted here and there, but thats was pretty much it. Like, I said she started talking to me..why cant I forget what she said to me?! Why cant i get over it?! Is it because I am too proud ? Is it because when you do something to me , i'll make it 10 times worse?
Whatever it is , it is helping me. I dont want to go back , I have nothing left back. Yes you might think that ,I keep going on and on and on, but I am one of those people that once I decide something or someone is worth my time, I give everything I have , not even looking back or thinking about what I might lose.That's who , I am and I tried changing, but failed at it everytime. I cant hurt people and even if I do it is not on purpose , when I realize it , I always go back and try to fix it. There is enought people out there that could do harm on purpose, that they dont need another one on the list. I much rather back out of a fight, and you think I am a coward than putting myself in an akward position. First of all , because like all of us, I say things I don't mean and I will regret at some point, and second because I don't like yelling like a bat out of hell, like a freaking schizophrenic. If I don't like you , you can be sure that I won't hang around you , or pretend I like you. I won't go out and scream it left and right, I like doing it very , very subtle.Fights and insults were never my cup of tea, instead I , (if you want to call it that) take the cowards way out. Some think , I may be a bitch when they first met me, let me just say this...I am shy! and still have an accent after all:)
Some may think I don't have balls, for not arguing, or lashing out. I just like ending things on my own terms. Don't worry , sooner or later I will get my chance and I WILL do it when you least expect it and I WILL DO IT with a smile on my face. Coming back to what I was saying. I like ending something on my own terms.You know , having mu hands clean.Nice and simple.
The only thing that scares me is that I might be like Mircea( my dad). I have never met him. I only saw him in pictures, my mom and grandma and everytone else in my family insisted on showing me, but that was as far as I got meeting my poor excuse of a father. Don't misinterpret things. I am not mad or jealous , far from it. I am pissed. Pissed that , when I called him for the first time in 17 years , he lied to me. The only thing I have ever asked of him was his email , so I can send him some pictures of me..and i think yeah the paper saying that he agreed to letting me come to the States. In 17 years , I asked two things and he almost never acomplished either one. The only reason , I got the paper from him , is because I looked at his mother and his sister straight in the eyes and told them I will be the one who will bring him back to Romania in handcuffs for not paying child support for 16 years and that I, myself will call the Interpol, they got scared. They couldn't let that happen to their precious , fucked up child and brother. I would have done it in a heart beat , and they would have had his ass so fast in handcuffs that he wouldve not realized what was going on.
I let the email mistake slide , because oh well I knew for sure that they gave him pictures of me.
Now, the other week I called his nephew, my cousin. I told him I wanted to see how my half brother looks like, and he got all defensive. That this is not his problem , that this and that. Excuses excuses. Just like his uncle, hell, his entire family. Of course he never sent me the pics , but thats ok. Like I told him , I have Mircea's adress in Spain, Madrid. Its a quick fix. They thought I was kiddin? Well, we will see how that poor kid finds out about me. I am done playing nice with his family. It is my freaking right to see that kids face. I just asked for a picture! But since my cousin started laughing when I told him that that poor kid will find out about me one way or another , I will do it just because of it. I never asked anything from their pathetic family and now they decide to deny me this thing?
Uh uh , I wont accept that!