Romania, My country

Why is it that we the the world in a different light when we are children? Why is it that right now, this very moment feels like home was never home and will never be home ever again? This is one of those melancolic moments .I was so dead set on the idea that I wanted to go back home for the first 3 years that I was here, and when I got the cance to go home..nothing felt like home.I was finally becoming a stranger. People looked at you like they knew you didnt belong there anymore. Looking at your clothes, brands, money, what you order in a club to drink. When did we become so selfish that we cant see past material things?
Why do I feel happy that I am not home anymore? Mom said it is because I grew up and started to see the injustices of the cold , heartless world. How is it possible that we dont care for one another? It drives me crazy to see how people treat each other .How at the first chance they get they stab you in the back!
What happened to being kind? Thoughtful? Respectful? Are we really a nation that is condemned to live in ignorance , because it is easier that way?!
It hurts to see that what I knew and loved about home isnt there anymore and more and more people are set on destroying whatever dignity we have left.It hurts to realize that the life you had back becomes such a distant memory because deep down you know there is nothing left for the future, and have to let go of everything you know.
Reinventing yourself isnt an easy thing to do.Start over because you know that there is no going back to where you came from. Romanians will alway love to judge and blame anyone else but themselves.It is sad that most of my generation and the generation before me, is spread all throughout different countries with no second thoughts of going back to Romania.
For that we get judged, because we sadly realize that Romania has nothing to offer anymore. People dont care about a good book, good music or art anymore. All of a sudden mundane shit like gossip , money and fame are far more interesting than what priceless souls have to offer. We are a nation of thiefs, cheaters, liers and manipulators. So why is it that people judge us for not wanting to be in the fuckery that Romania has become? I refuse to live in ignorance, to accept that there arent bigger and better things for me out there. To think that I will never make it , so i am settling for far less than I know I can do and maybe even deserve.
I got accused to many times of forgetting where I came from and becoming an american , just because I speak English to express myself.Because I dont cuss out worthless people that dont deserve my time to begin with. Because I dont stoop myself to their level, I forgot where I came from.
The funny thing is that with what I heard from people about Romania , I cant believe how incredibly lucky I am to be here and not there.
But even being here , so far away hurts to see what "my people" are doing to one another. lie, cheat and stab so you can be on top, and whe you get to the top you've got nothing left. Only money, and maybe...maybe a conscience. How can people be happy when they got nothing but money? Isnt there anything more to us than that?