I am a work in progress. I always thought it would be easy to change something about me if I didn't like it. Turns out I was completely wrong. I cant be the girly girl I always thought I was going to be. I like to be comfortable when I go out , thank you very much. I can't do my hair , first of all because it wont stay and second of all because I am not patient enough to do it. I am not grossed out by worms..spiders?! Well that's another story(one that I prefer not to get into because just the thought of spiders terrifies me). I like hanging out with guys because guys dont like gossip , or who you are wearing . Girls are just conniving bitches that have nothing better to do and LOVE to start trouble. If you ask me what I like to do , my quick response would be camping. Outdoor stuff is my things. And then I stop and wonder if there is something wrong with me because I am not into the latest makeup or nail polish color(which by the way is ridiculous the way they come up with some of those names.) But what do I know?! Not into that stuff, 'member? Which makes me always doubt myself. Isn't there a on/off button for these things? It would sure make my life easier. It's been a long time since I blogged, vented whatever you might want to call it. But just like before, I feel like I am drowning. Losing marbles, thoughts, myself in the process of losing said marbles. How am I supposed to know where to go from here? It seems that I have nothing going for myself. I dont have a hobby for long enough it seems, I cant keep my attention on a project for long enough , so that I can actually finish it for once. And since I like to be a Debbie downer , I keep analyzing myself ( like any good self medicated addict would) and I only find the bad things about me. Well, I wish I could be in shape, and feel proud of how I look. I know its not bad , but i would like to make it better. But that involves me changing my whole life around. A completely different schedule, way of managing thoughts and everything else that comes with such a big change.I do realize that its up to me to make this happen , but I got to a point where I am so comfortable how things are that changing seems too much work. And yes I am lazy. I lack the motivation.It's gone. Not that I have ever had much of that, but I know something needs to change. I need to completely reinvent myself , if I really want to be happy. But the only thing I do?! Keep saying "Tomorrow is the first day" and tomorrow turns into tomorrow and I am still here bitching that I am not satisfied with myself. And let me just say that , I already know that if I don't do it no one else will do it for me...obviously! But I think I am so lost and confused that I actually dont know how turn my entire life around. Because ,honestly that's what I need. A change so drastic that will actually pull my ass out of this funk that I do not know how to get out of. How do you change something that is just so comfortable? How long before I say enough and actually realize that if i dont do something about the way my life is going , I will never ever do anything about it and I will conform ? I look at all my friends. They all have, or almost all have something going for them. Fashion, makeup, fitness, it doesn't really matter what it is, what matters is that they DO HAVE something going. Me?! not so much. And I feel like I am failing at this . I dont see a light at the end of the tunnel , that gives me hope that one sunny day I will completely fall in love with a hobby and actually make that my career.I am afraid that I am giving in to all the rules society has for me: work because you owe. And you only work to pay others. Act nice because everyone else does it. Have manners . Don't really think outside of the box, because no one likes a rebel. Make money because money makes the world go 'round.